My 6 year old is a slow-poke. Whenever, we get ready to go somewhere she is invariably the last one ready. This morning we were preparing for tumbling and instead of putting on her shoes and sweatshirt, like I had asked, she was playing with the baby. I said to her, "Evelyn, you need to worry about Evelyn first. Get yourself ready to go and then you can help with your sisters and brother." She replied, "But that's not how you do it."
Geesh. I've been convicted, as of late, about the amount that I nag my children and have been intentionally focusing on teaching them by my example, so this stung a bit. In the realm of motherhood, we are often the lowly servant, putting everyone else's needs ahead of our own. However, the best servants take care of their own needs first so they are better able to serve those around them. I thought I knew this. I thought I practiced this. But, Evelyn's comment coerced me to reevaluate I learned a lesson I thought I learned a long time ago.
Here is an abbreviated version of my story: my sophomore year of high school I had acne pretty badly. I also was having horrible menstrual cramps. My doctor responded in a typical fashion: a prescription pad. Erythromycin and birth control pills. These two things were supposed to cure me, but in reality I'm convinced they sent my previously healthy self into a fit of health problems. As it turns out Erythromycin is an antibiotic. And, taking an antibiotic for years on end will virtually destroy one's immune system - sure it killed the bacteria causing my acne - but it also killed all the good bacteria that made up a large portion of my immunity. By my senior year, I developed a case of mono so badly my doctor thought I had leukemia, and was also having chronic sinus infections. The "cure" for my sinus infections: more antibiotics. I wish I could say I wised up right away, but I suffered through years of what probably could have been diagnosed as chronic fatigue, which spiraled into depression during my first pregnancy. By this point my allergy induced asthma was then a huge health issue as well. Then Evelyn was born, and seemingly never slept. Oh, it didn't end there, I got pregnant again with Riley. There were days, I would lay on the couch praying my baby didn't get hurt because I literally didn't have the strength or energy to get off the couch to take care of her. How could take care of my children if I didn't figure out a way to take care of myself?
It was a long journey to healing that involved: vitamins, saline rinsing, exercising, reading, praying, yoga, eating healthier, learning more about what I was putting into my body, but mostly it involved making an intentional effort to think about myself first. (By the way, I haven't had a sinus infection for five years now)! It's a journey that I am still on! Recently, I added a weekly mom's night out to the list, as well as ballet lessons. I'm constantly making baby steps to overfill my life, so rather than pour out everything to where I have nothing left to give, my life can freely run over into the lives of others.
I think my next baby step will be getting myself ready to go somewhere before I focus on the children!
