False Alarm!

I sort of have 3-4 different posts swirling around in my brain and instead of taking the time to write them down, perhaps one day at a time, I've been OCDish about keeping my house clean because of our planned homebirth. {I would probably be obsessive about keeping the house clean even if I was doing a hospital birth because, seriously, who wants to come home with a new born to a house that needs cleaned and 3 other young children to attend}. But doing the homebirth, there is the added pressure of wanting a relaxing environment coupled with impending visitors.

Right now, however, my house is not clean, and I have very little energy to get it done. I was up half the night having contractions, so I told the girls to color while I took a nap this afternoon. That translates to coloring, painting, cutting, and apparently, making their own lunch. Sigh. At least, they let me get some sleep.

I guess that's a nice lead into a post about false alarm labor. I have had Braxton-Hicks contractions with all my girlies, but this is a new experience, where they actually proceed like early labor for a while as far as being consistent, and then quit. Last night, I was nearly certain I was in labor. They were regular and increasing in intensity throughout the day. I was simply waiting for the pain level to increase to call my midwife and my mom. They never did.

I would not consider myself an impatient person, and I did prepare myself for going late; even though, the odds were against it with #4. However, I had talked to enough moms with multiple children to know that it's not always the same. What I didn't prepare myself for was the emotional ups and downs of thinking I was in labor and then having nothing happen. In some ways, the first baby is blessing because you don't know what to expect, but at this point, I'm well aware of the impending pain. The only consolation is the hope that it goes a lot faster! So, when labor kicks in, so do the emotions. "I don't want to do this." "Let's just get it over with." "Think of the prize at the end." "I'll get to hold my baby!" "I wonder if it's a boy or girl?" "What on earth will I do with a boy?" "Am I sure I like those names?" "Oh crap, this is going to hurt." "I wonder how much Tylenol I can take because the cramps after Gigi were really bad?"

All of that excitement. Anxiety. Fear. Lack of sleep. Only to have to do it all over again.

My other two concerns that have been nagging me are the size of the baby (my girls were all 8,2 or more, 39 weeks and some days) and feeling stir-crazy. My midwife assured me today that I have plenty of room to push out a 9+pound baby, and she also told me not to feel like I have to stay home. The girls and I like to go during the summer! We spend most of the winter confined and summer is our fun time. But even if I thought I had the energy to take them somewhere, it's been way too hot. So today, we stayed home. If there is no baby tomorrow, I have decided we're going to the pool!

The other things I wanted to write about were home-schooling, Accountable Kids, budgeting, menu planning, and turning 30. But alas, I really do have to clean. {wink}.

Perception of Children

Several friends posted a news footage video on Facebook about a restaurant that banned children under 6; I thought I would share some thoughts. Of course, the parents group were talking about how ignorant it was, and the anti-children group were applauding the decision. When I just had Evelyn, I would have firmly been in the parents' corner, but now that I have three kids, I wouldn't mind having the option of going to a restaurant that was quieter. I enjoy nights out with my husband, kid-free. My thought is if the restaurant owner thinks he can maintain his business, it's his prerogative, but just a note to him: you'll tick parents (and grandparents and aunts and uncles and people who want children but don't yet) off, for good reason! I thought I would offer some middle ground thoughts.

If you back the restaurant owners decision, consider this:

1. It's a good thing that parents love their children. When children grow up in homes where there is not love, they grow up to be liars and cheaters, vindictive and self-serving, criminals and burdens to society. Don't negatively judge a parent for the loving their child - it's what God designed them to do and be.

2. Understand child development. I'm not asking anyone to take a psychology course, but in general understand that you can't expect the same behavior from a two-year-old that you can from even a four-year-old. Toddlers have an entire world at their fingertips that they have just begun to explore! They're natural curiosity for life should be inspiring, not annoying. A young child may want to explore a new restaurant with the same gusto that you would explore Pompeii.

3. Understand parents are embarrassed. When a child acts out in public, it's humiliating. There are - as the story clearly points out - people judging you. Most parents are trying their best to keep their children's natural curiosity under control, and they don't need evil stares from you to let them know they're doing a - mediocre - job.

4. Make accommodations. If you want to treat all people with love and respect, including parents, don't act like the fact that they have children is a handicap! You have no idea how much you will bless a parent's life by including them and their children in your life. But if you really can't get past the fact that kids annoy you, make accommodations. Own a restaurant? Have a separate family-friendly room. Want a classy wedding? Offer childcare services or make entertainment kits for the ceremony that include crayons and coloring books. {Major pet-peeve: Don't send someone a wedding invitation that basically says: "We request the HONOR of your presence and your presents (by virtue of "We're Registered ..." cards), but your children's presence is not welcome." It's just plain rude and the complete opposite of classy}.

5. Understand that children are a blessing. Just because you don't see them as such, doesn't negate the truth that they are.

I also have some thoughts for parents:

1. People don't love your children as much as you do. And that's okay.

2. Understand your child's development. If you haven't yet figured out how to stop your two-year-old from stripping naked after spilling milk down his shirt or having melt-downs after 7 p.m., don't take them to an upscale restaurant. Make sure you expect and teach your children to have good table manners at home, so they'll transfer that to public. Even though, I am culprit to living differently at home a lot of the time, it's a good idea to not teach "public" versus "private" behavior - obviously, bathroom behavior is an exception.

3. Even the best behaved children have moments that make you want to crawl under your seat. It's okay. Just calmly remove them from the room and ignore all the people who treat you like a sub-par human.

4. Don't over-react when people don't include your children in a function - just send your RSVP back with a decline. Find friends who cherish their relationship with you and cherish your children. And sometimes, initiate dates with your friends that don't include your children! Just like your husband wants your undivided attention at times, so do your friends.

5. Understand that your children are a blessing. Just because people don't always treat them as such, doesn't negate the truth that they are! Psalm 127:3-5a :)

What Freedom Means for a Mom of Young Children...

I thought on this Independence Day holiday it would be very appropriate to write about a topic that has been brewing in my mind for a long time: poop. As mothers of young children, we all long for our children to reach that point of independence, that time where we are freed from dealing with the daily ins and outs of changing diapers, washing diapers, disposing of diapers, cleaning underwear, wiping butts, etc. I'm fairly confident that if you're sad about potty training your kids you may have an emotional issue where you long for your children to remain overly dependent. I mean it could be something else: like your families poop doesn't stink, you want to baby your baby, or maybe you just haven't had enough kids yet.

I can assure you that after changing poopy diapers consecutively for 5 and 1/2 years, sometimes dealing with a toddler and infant at the same time, the idea of having a new, dependent baby makes me slightly sad. Sure those beginning poops are mustard yellow, barely smell, and those tiny little butts are beyond cute, but then after a few weeks, you wonder if the time will ever come that your child doesn't poop 14 times a day, and if your budget can survive buying that many diapers! This time I was blessed with having a nice, oh, 4 month break between diaper changing sessions; even though, my 2-year-old still wears diapers at night, she disposes of them on her own in the mornings. And it's only pee! But even with the hiatus, I still deal with poop on daily basis:

Sometimes my almost 6-year-old will ask me to help her. I tell her, "No, I deal with poop enough; you can do it." No room for babying there ...

My 4-year-old sits on the potty after she goes, screaming, "Moooooomy! Mooooooom! Mooooomy! I pooped!" I ignore her or tell her to hold on. {Insert tears}. "Moooooomy! Mooooooom! Mooooomy! I pooped! It's going to dry on my butt! Please don't let it dry on my butt!" I have never let poop dry on her butt, but I did tell her when I was trying to get her to wipe her own butt that it could happen. Bad idea. Now we have a poop-drying phobia.

Two-year-olds and poop are fun. Sincerely. If you don't laugh, you would break down in tears. I have potty-trained all my kids before they were 2 and 1/2 years old, but then it only gets more interesting. Our most frequent current thing is one of the girls coming in saying, "Mommy! Gigi pooped in the yard." Fun. Fun. Fun. We live on my parents farm, so there are lots of animals. I asked her why she thought it was okay to poop in the yard and she said, "Cayenne (the dog) does." We went through several episodes of this ... then it happened. By it, I mean the day she pooped repeatedly all over our walk. By the time I got her cleaned up, the sun had warmed it just enough that I one point I literally had to run away from it just prior to my gag reflex making puke spill all over the yard as well. She came up to me the other day and said, "It's okay to pee in the yard, but not poop." Whew. I think we're making progress. This is just a small snippet of having a potty-trained two-year-old, from emptying her own potty chair to pooping on the kitchen bench, things are always, always filled with poopy fun!

And, as if dealing with 3 kids isn't enough, you still have to deal with your own plumbing. Most of my pregnancy days are filled a conscious awareness of whether I'm eating the right foods, and drinking enough water to keep myself, you guessed it: pooping. And then, there is the never-ending saga of trying to find a moment, a slim fleeting moment where I can lock myself in the bathroom and go without someone interrupting me. As a mom there are certain phrases we hear ourselves repeat over and over again, and for me, one of them is, "Shut the door! I want to poop alone!"

You might think it ends there, but poop impacts your marriage as well. On days like today, when Richard is home, I let him deal with the butt wiping. But since today is Independence Day, I will also celebrate my own independence by letting him entertain the girls while I have some quality time in the bathroom! Let freedom ring!

Clutter Control

I have never been one to mind clutter. Sure, I much prefer a tidy house, but it just was never high on my priority list. {Enter three, almost four, young children}. Life changes change your perspective. There were times this past winter where I felt like my life was raging out of control. The fall previous I was overly busy with working two part-time jobs, traveling a good deal, and taking care of the girls, so things just got backed up and instead of really cleaning I established clutter collection locations. You know, those spots in your home that tend to gather all the items that don't "go" anywhere else. Things just spiraled out of control from there. Within a month's time, one of my jobs was eliminated, I took a job coaching 7th grade basketball, I found out I was pregnant, almost caved to exhaustion, and then quit my other part-time job. This all took place while Richard was going to school full-time and working full-time. And through all of that, guilt consumed me because I was supposed to be homeschooling. I did manage to keep myself so busy, I didn't have time to get too depressed.

Once Spring rolled around, I found myself in a second trimester rebound and a first-time solely stay-at-home mom. That little pep in my step helped me get a grip on my priorities. One of the first things I discovered was that the condition of the house was a major distraction for me when it came to homeschooling. I have read some on this topic and I've heard two opposing views:
1. You have to accept that your house won't be clean during these years, and ignore it.
2. You have to get rid of the clutter in your house or it will distract you.

For me, number one was not an option. It just wasn't working. I couldn't focus on the girls when there were literally hundreds of other projects screaming my name, demanding my attention as well. So since Evelyn was not technically in school yet and advanced for her age, I decided to set aside homeschooling for the spring and focus on getting our house in order, so we could start fresh for her kindergarten year. So here are ten things I've done to keep clutter under control.

1. High shelves. I almost drove Richard crazy with the number of shelves I added to our house this Spring. Some of them were just for me to put items on that didn't currently have a home, but I added some in the girls' room where I placed all of their toys that had small pieces. I can't even begin to explain how much this has helped! And will help once I have a crawling infant here in a few months.

2. A Storage Shed. We bought ours and put it on our property, but I know you can rent these as well. Our house is just so tiny, I needed a place to store things that just didn't fit, like our Christmas tree, camping gear, books that we want to put on our big old living room book shelves one day, etc. We actually killed 3 birds with one stone on this one. I got a shed with a loft to store all our totes. I divided the bottom of the shed, so we could keep our grill, bikes, and Power Wheels in one half and made a play house in the back half for the girls. This enabled me to get their toy kitchen out of their tiny bedroom. And honestly, they play with it more out there.

3. Purge. I made it a goal to get rid of at least 15 garbage bags of "stuff." I thought this would be a painful process, but let me tell you, it felt great! I now keep a "Goodwill" box in my utility room, so hopefully, I don't get to that point again.

4. Minimize Clothing. Part of the purge was getting rid of tons of clothing!

5. Accountable Kids. I've written a lot about this, but it's a lot easier to keep your house free of clutter when everyone in your house shares responsibility. We took a break from AK in June because we were traveling a lot, but as of right now it has taught all the girls how to get themselves ready in the morning and for bed. Can't even begin to explain the weight this has taken from my shoulders. We'll start back up on Monday.

6. Accountable Adults? I'm going to call it Same Page Partnering. I could write an entire post on this one topic, but for now, I'll try to be brief. AK was working so well for us, I decided to make an AA board for me and Richard. I just started working on this yesterday, so I'm sure I will write a follow-up post. But, as you can see from the picture it's the same concept, without the rewards. Well, the reward is harmony in our marriage. Sometimes Richard is so busy he doesn't have time to help me. Other times he's oblivious to the fact that I have a mental to-do list constantly running through my mind, and he hasn't figured out how to read it yet. (Wink). I created 3 categories: daily tasks (red), weekly tasks (green), and at-least-monthly tasks (brown). I was worried he would think that I was treating him like a little kid by doing this, but he actually chuckled when I explained it to him. I said that these were the household chores that I would try to get done while he was at work. He could come home from work, see how many were flipped over, and quickly judge how well my day went! It also let's him know what needs done without me being a nag.

7. The Clutter Basket. I have actually established a clutter collection location, but it's a basket, with a handle, that is meant to be carried around the house so clutter can be put away. When I'm quickly cleaning up the house, I throw smaller items into the basket. When the basket gets full, I carry it around the house and put those things away. I also use it when I'm cleaning I don't have to make as many trips throughout the house. It saves steps, time, and helps keep things tidy.

8. Labels. This is so when people help me clean, be it Richard or anyone else, they can help keep toys and school supplies sorted properly. Sort your toys, your kids won't play with them otherwise.

9. DVD Cases. We bought a DVD storage case at Target and got rid a lot of the cases. (85 to be exact). It cost $15. That is close to the best $15 I have ever spent. I'm not lying.

10. Daily Kitchen Cleaning. We homeschool in our kitchen, so this is my focus room to keep clean. The other rooms I try to clean weekly.

I'm anxious to see how these steps will work in the winter. It has always been easier for me to keep my house clean in the summer because we are away from home a lot more and the girls play outside a lot. Some of them, however, I implemented during our very wet, rainy Spring and they worked then, so I'm optimistic. Any additional tips?