Reality Check ... Thanks Evelyn!

My 6 year old is a slow-poke. Whenever, we get ready to go somewhere she is invariably the last one ready. This morning we were preparing for tumbling and instead of putting on her shoes and sweatshirt, like I had asked, she was playing with the baby. I said to her, "Evelyn, you need to worry about Evelyn first. Get yourself ready to go and then you can help with your sisters and brother." She replied, "But that's not how you do it."

Geesh. I've been convicted, as of late, about the amount that I nag my children and have been intentionally focusing on teaching them by my example, so this stung a bit. In the realm of motherhood, we are often the lowly servant, putting everyone else's needs ahead of our own. However, the best servants take care of their own needs first so they are better able to serve those around them. I thought I knew this. I thought I practiced this. But, Evelyn's comment coerced me to reevaluate I learned a lesson I thought I learned a long time ago.

Here is an abbreviated version of my story: my sophomore year of high school I had acne pretty badly. I also was having horrible menstrual cramps. My doctor responded in a typical fashion: a prescription pad. Erythromycin and birth control pills. These two things were supposed to cure me, but in reality I'm convinced they sent my previously healthy self into a fit of health problems. As it turns out Erythromycin is an antibiotic. And, taking an antibiotic for years on end will virtually destroy one's immune system - sure it killed the bacteria causing my acne - but it also killed all the good bacteria that made up a large portion of my immunity. By my senior year, I developed a case of mono so badly my doctor thought I had leukemia, and was also having chronic sinus infections. The "cure" for my sinus infections: more antibiotics. I wish I could say I wised up right away, but I suffered through years of what probably could have been diagnosed as chronic fatigue, which spiraled into depression during my first pregnancy. By this point my allergy induced asthma was then a huge health issue as well. Then Evelyn was born, and seemingly never slept. Oh, it didn't end there, I got pregnant again with Riley. There were days, I would lay on the couch praying my baby didn't get hurt because I literally didn't have the strength or energy to get off the couch to take care of her. How could take care of my children if I didn't figure out a way to take care of myself?

It was a long journey to healing that involved: vitamins, saline rinsing, exercising, reading, praying, yoga, eating healthier, learning more about what I was putting into my body, but mostly it involved making an intentional effort to think about myself first. (By the way, I haven't had a sinus infection for five years now)! It's a journey that I am still on! Recently, I added a weekly mom's night out to the list, as well as ballet lessons. I'm constantly making baby steps to overfill my life, so rather than pour out everything to where I have nothing left to give, my life can freely run over into the lives of others.

I think my next baby step will be getting myself ready to go somewhere before I focus on the children!

Discipline is Education

My kids' are making our afternoon schooling session easy on me. They're sitting on my bed, refusing to fold their laundry. An hour and 30 minutes strong now ...Wow.

Feed Your Kids a Four Course Meal?

So I see a lot of posts from moms are hear moms talk about their kids' disconcerting eating habits. I'm actually pretty intentional about what I feed my children for lunch. It's part of our school day and so I think lunch should be a learning experience too. So I thought I would share how I get my kids to eat all the food groups. I feed them a four course meal! We usually eat breakfast around 9:30, so by the time my children sit down to lunch at 12:30, they're pretty hungry. (And we don't snack in between). At this point, they'll eat just about anything, so I start with the food they need the most of but eat the least of: veggies! I usually just do a raw veggie tray. I'll sit it on the table (with ranch) and they scarf up those veggies while I make the rest of lunch. Here's where I give them their diary, protein, and grains. Today we had popcorn and cottage cheese (good protein too), a lot of times we'll have pb&j and yogurt, sometimes cheese quesadillas or left-overs. After they eat that for five minutes or so, I'll put fruit on the table. If they're still hungry, I'll let them have a dessert; today it was hot chocolate.

Home Schooling and Happy Accidents

Time to write has escaped me lately. It would be tempting to blame it on a newborn, but in actuality we're four weeks into our school year. I should be wakening the girls as I type, but seeing how the little man has already gone back down for a morning nap and the girls are induced to sleep by the overcast morning, I'll write. Too bad I'm not a coffee drinker; I think this would be the perfect time for a cup.

Lately, I've been challenging myself. I'm working on developing a philosophy of education and a mission statement for our little school at home. Part of my desire is to instill in my children a life-time love of learning and an appetite for exploration. I am aware that my children will look to me for example. The old adage of "Do what I say, not what I do" doesn't work. So if I want my children to love learning well into their adult years and explore new areas to grow, I must be willing to go there myself. I have found that change often comes in small intentional steps toward a larger goal. So I have set baby goals for myself to become the person I want my children to mirror.

I wrote before about my attempts to maintain a tidy house - a real struggle for me. It's working nicely. I made a new "rule" recently that whenever I bring a big box into the house, it will leave full of "stuff" to send to Good Will. You'd be surprised how easy it is to do! That's a domestic step. I also have been trying to read at least one book a month. To some of you that may not seem like a lot, but when you have four small children, it can be a challenge! Most of the books have been on home education, but I have snuck one in on running a small business. That's an intellectual step. I've also started taking a ballet class! I am an introverted person, so going to a ballet class (when I've never taken one in my life) with a room full of people I've never met before was a real challenge for me. I love physical activity, so that part was not an issue. The girls were so excited when I got home so I could show them what I learned! (Something, I often ask them to do for me). It also gave me a guaranteed hour a week to work-out. So that was a physical and emotional step. I think you're getting the idea. Have you taken any small steps lately?

One thing I'm still exploring is a teaching style that works for me. Last year I tried a canned curriculum. I failed miserably! I hated it and was bored out of my mind! This year, with the guidance of books on home education, I'm doing my own thing. It's working so much better for me because I can challenge myself at the same time I challenge them. Yesterday, we had a happy accident. Some time ago, I decided to do a unit study on Guatemala and Compassion International because Evelyn took a real interest in learning about the children we sponsor in that country. I ordered several "living" books that are either about Guatemala or are based there, one was called Abuela's Weave. The girls have also been selling lemonade with my mom at the farmers' market to learn about money. Evelyn has been wanting to also sell a "real" product, so at the recommendation of friends we went to Crafts2000 this weekend and bought materials to make pot holders. Yesterday, we sat down and read Abuela's Weave, which turned out to be a story about a little girl who weaved garments with her grandmother and took them to market to sell! So of course, directly after reading that, I got out the pot holder materials to weave. As if that weren't coincidental enough, a few minutes in, my mom knocked at the door and sat down a weaved a pot holder with them! It was definitely a happy home school moment!

Grace in the High Times

I can hardly believe my little man is almost a month old - in some ways - in other ways it's already hard to picture life without him. I've really just spent the month getting us into a routine, loving on him and hanging out with my girlies. We're already into our second week of school. We started back on Accountable Kids. I've continued with my cleaning system. Richard is back to school. We're living within our budget. I'm exercising, reading books, and having a weekly "me night." We're starting a youth group at church and getting more involved there, which really deserves a post for itself. I'm just not sure I'm ready to right it yet. Really, life is good right now. I'm just going to take it in while it lasts.

I don't feel mediocre right now.

I feel like I have it all under control. In some ways, that's a bad thing. It's during the high times that I must remind myself that I am just as dependent on grace as I was 9 months ago lest I start relying on my own strength. When my house was a train wreck, my marriage was rocky, my children were ignored, our finances were in disarray, home school was barely educating, my faith was shaky, my calling was uncertain, and my emotions were on edge - it was easy to see how desperately I needed grace.

But today I am still that same person, just allowing God to move in the direction He's calling. Living on grace. Hanging tight to faith. God was blessing me then, and He's blessing me now. Amen. And Amen.

3 or More: Zachary's Birth Story

There is an old saying that goes sorta like this: one is like cake, two is three times as hard as one, and three or more is all the same. (I wish I could find the exact quote, but Google has failed me. However, you get the idea). I'm finding that to be fairly accurate. Of course, having a newborn is always challenging, but this is round four and I sorta got it down. Thankfully, Zach doesn't seem to have any issues: colic, reflux, etc. I've been spending the last 2 and 1/2 weeks snuggling my baby, giving the girls some love, and most importantly, trying to gradually slide into a schedule. I was not a scheduler with my first two, but I'm finding it to be really important to the home-school lifestyle. My hope is to do the bulk of our schooling during his nap times. Some days we run like a well-oiled machine and other days not so much, and I'm finding it all depends on how much sleep I get the night before! All around, we're doing great! No signs of post-partum depression. My energy levels are good. And, I recovered very nicely. Yay! Praise God!

I promised Zach's birth story as well, so here it is:

As many of you know we had planned a homebirth with #4. By the time I was 7 days late, I was afraid. My girls all weighed in above 8 pounds before my due date, so my first fear was that this baby was going to huge. I was afraid of Meconium again as we had that problem with #3 and the chances of it go up with post-due babies. And, I was mostly afraid about the baby's position. It was weird that I kept going into what was seemingly early labor with no signs of progressing. We knew the baby's head was down, but we were concerned that the contractions were pushing his head into my hip rather than my cervix, which would explain why I wasn't dilating past 4 centimeters.

I woke up on week 41, day 2, at 4:30 a.m. feeling like I had to go to the bathroom. I laid there for about an hour before I woke Richard up and asked him time my contractions. By 6 a.m., I was fairly confident that I was in labor, so I called my midwife and my mom. Fortunately, my dad was able to stay home from work until afternoon, so I planned for him to take the two older girls to their day camp and asked my aunt to watch the younger. At this point, everything was going great. By the time my midwife arrived I was 6 cm, and finally, finally, in active labor. I was still feeling good enough to walk around the house. My leg was really hurting me after a while, so I sat down on the birthing ball. When I tried to get up about 10 minutes later, I couldn't fully stand up. Once they finally got me in an up-right position, we checked the heartbeat (nice and strong). My midwife wanted to check me again, but I was still only 6-7 cm. She decided to break my water to get things moving. And, again, Meconium.

Insert me crying, blaming myself, and a scary ride to the hospital. My midwife was fairly confident that it was fresh Meconium because of the color, but there was a lot of it, which was a reason for real concern. When we got to the hospital around 8 to 8:30 a.m., they hooked me up to monitors, rinsed out my uterus with saline, and hooked me up to an I.V. and gave me antibiotics (ugh!). The baby's heart-rate was good and I was 7 cm.

It didn't take long for my contractions to greatly intensify (from painful but bearable to "I can't do this!"). Fortunately, the doctor where I went is good and also - for lack of a better term - tolerant. He let my midwife, her assistant, Richard and my mom all be present the entire time. I had plenty of coaching and support, and they really helped me to stay focused and work through the contractions. By 10:15 a.m., I felt ready to push. When the doctor checked though, I was still only 8.5 centimeters and the baby's head was not even engaged in the birth canal! (Further confirming my suspicions of an awkward position of the baby). At that point, he told me to start pushing. The first push was awkward because I didn't yet have the full "push instinct," and it probably didn't accomplish much. The doctor told me: I'm sensing you're a little hesitant, probably because you're afraid it's going to hurt. But once you get him down there, you're going to get pissed off and push like hell. (His words, not mine, and very accurate words they were). The second push - his head engaged - it hurt like hell - and I had him out of there in about 5 minutes. He was facing my right leg.

Richard said it was impressive.

When the doctor caught the baby he said, "that's a ten pounder!" (10 pounds 1 ounce, thank you very much)! I looked down and saw what I suspected on my poop stained little baby: boy anatomy! Richard announced "Zachary Richard is here!" My mom cried once she finally realized it was a boy because she was really hoping for a grandson. My dad and father-in-law came in the few minutes later and got to meet him. It was great! :)

The first question I asked the doctor was "How bad did I tear?" Let me just assure you of this: natural child-birth is awfully painful, but you have adrenaline and endorphins that get you through. When it's over. It's over. They give you some nice pain meds for the cramping that causes your uterus to shrink back up, but those last just a few days. Episiotomies suck - for weeks. Tears suck, but not as bad as an episiotomy. But let me just say, there is nothing like feeling back to your old self two days after having a baby when you don't have either! I have no idea how I didn't tear with a ten pound baby, but Richard says the doctor worked some magic.


They didn't get to give him to me right away because they had to suck the maconium out of his belly, and his first attempt at nursing didn't go too well because he was still having a little trouble breathing because he hadn't sneezed out all the gunk yet. But when they brought him back later, he nursed like a champ. My aunt brought Gigi to the hospital, and she was thrilled. My dad picked up the older two later, and they were so excited to have a little brother! We just spent the rest of the day resting and getting to know our little man. God is good!

False Alarm!

I sort of have 3-4 different posts swirling around in my brain and instead of taking the time to write them down, perhaps one day at a time, I've been OCDish about keeping my house clean because of our planned homebirth. {I would probably be obsessive about keeping the house clean even if I was doing a hospital birth because, seriously, who wants to come home with a new born to a house that needs cleaned and 3 other young children to attend}. But doing the homebirth, there is the added pressure of wanting a relaxing environment coupled with impending visitors.

Right now, however, my house is not clean, and I have very little energy to get it done. I was up half the night having contractions, so I told the girls to color while I took a nap this afternoon. That translates to coloring, painting, cutting, and apparently, making their own lunch. Sigh. At least, they let me get some sleep.

I guess that's a nice lead into a post about false alarm labor. I have had Braxton-Hicks contractions with all my girlies, but this is a new experience, where they actually proceed like early labor for a while as far as being consistent, and then quit. Last night, I was nearly certain I was in labor. They were regular and increasing in intensity throughout the day. I was simply waiting for the pain level to increase to call my midwife and my mom. They never did.

I would not consider myself an impatient person, and I did prepare myself for going late; even though, the odds were against it with #4. However, I had talked to enough moms with multiple children to know that it's not always the same. What I didn't prepare myself for was the emotional ups and downs of thinking I was in labor and then having nothing happen. In some ways, the first baby is blessing because you don't know what to expect, but at this point, I'm well aware of the impending pain. The only consolation is the hope that it goes a lot faster! So, when labor kicks in, so do the emotions. "I don't want to do this." "Let's just get it over with." "Think of the prize at the end." "I'll get to hold my baby!" "I wonder if it's a boy or girl?" "What on earth will I do with a boy?" "Am I sure I like those names?" "Oh crap, this is going to hurt." "I wonder how much Tylenol I can take because the cramps after Gigi were really bad?"

All of that excitement. Anxiety. Fear. Lack of sleep. Only to have to do it all over again.

My other two concerns that have been nagging me are the size of the baby (my girls were all 8,2 or more, 39 weeks and some days) and feeling stir-crazy. My midwife assured me today that I have plenty of room to push out a 9+pound baby, and she also told me not to feel like I have to stay home. The girls and I like to go during the summer! We spend most of the winter confined and summer is our fun time. But even if I thought I had the energy to take them somewhere, it's been way too hot. So today, we stayed home. If there is no baby tomorrow, I have decided we're going to the pool!

The other things I wanted to write about were home-schooling, Accountable Kids, budgeting, menu planning, and turning 30. But alas, I really do have to clean. {wink}.

Perception of Children

Several friends posted a news footage video on Facebook about a restaurant that banned children under 6; I thought I would share some thoughts. Of course, the parents group were talking about how ignorant it was, and the anti-children group were applauding the decision. When I just had Evelyn, I would have firmly been in the parents' corner, but now that I have three kids, I wouldn't mind having the option of going to a restaurant that was quieter. I enjoy nights out with my husband, kid-free. My thought is if the restaurant owner thinks he can maintain his business, it's his prerogative, but just a note to him: you'll tick parents (and grandparents and aunts and uncles and people who want children but don't yet) off, for good reason! I thought I would offer some middle ground thoughts.

If you back the restaurant owners decision, consider this:

1. It's a good thing that parents love their children. When children grow up in homes where there is not love, they grow up to be liars and cheaters, vindictive and self-serving, criminals and burdens to society. Don't negatively judge a parent for the loving their child - it's what God designed them to do and be.

2. Understand child development. I'm not asking anyone to take a psychology course, but in general understand that you can't expect the same behavior from a two-year-old that you can from even a four-year-old. Toddlers have an entire world at their fingertips that they have just begun to explore! They're natural curiosity for life should be inspiring, not annoying. A young child may want to explore a new restaurant with the same gusto that you would explore Pompeii.

3. Understand parents are embarrassed. When a child acts out in public, it's humiliating. There are - as the story clearly points out - people judging you. Most parents are trying their best to keep their children's natural curiosity under control, and they don't need evil stares from you to let them know they're doing a - mediocre - job.

4. Make accommodations. If you want to treat all people with love and respect, including parents, don't act like the fact that they have children is a handicap! You have no idea how much you will bless a parent's life by including them and their children in your life. But if you really can't get past the fact that kids annoy you, make accommodations. Own a restaurant? Have a separate family-friendly room. Want a classy wedding? Offer childcare services or make entertainment kits for the ceremony that include crayons and coloring books. {Major pet-peeve: Don't send someone a wedding invitation that basically says: "We request the HONOR of your presence and your presents (by virtue of "We're Registered ..." cards), but your children's presence is not welcome." It's just plain rude and the complete opposite of classy}.

5. Understand that children are a blessing. Just because you don't see them as such, doesn't negate the truth that they are.

I also have some thoughts for parents:

1. People don't love your children as much as you do. And that's okay.

2. Understand your child's development. If you haven't yet figured out how to stop your two-year-old from stripping naked after spilling milk down his shirt or having melt-downs after 7 p.m., don't take them to an upscale restaurant. Make sure you expect and teach your children to have good table manners at home, so they'll transfer that to public. Even though, I am culprit to living differently at home a lot of the time, it's a good idea to not teach "public" versus "private" behavior - obviously, bathroom behavior is an exception.

3. Even the best behaved children have moments that make you want to crawl under your seat. It's okay. Just calmly remove them from the room and ignore all the people who treat you like a sub-par human.

4. Don't over-react when people don't include your children in a function - just send your RSVP back with a decline. Find friends who cherish their relationship with you and cherish your children. And sometimes, initiate dates with your friends that don't include your children! Just like your husband wants your undivided attention at times, so do your friends.

5. Understand that your children are a blessing. Just because people don't always treat them as such, doesn't negate the truth that they are! Psalm 127:3-5a :)

What Freedom Means for a Mom of Young Children...

I thought on this Independence Day holiday it would be very appropriate to write about a topic that has been brewing in my mind for a long time: poop. As mothers of young children, we all long for our children to reach that point of independence, that time where we are freed from dealing with the daily ins and outs of changing diapers, washing diapers, disposing of diapers, cleaning underwear, wiping butts, etc. I'm fairly confident that if you're sad about potty training your kids you may have an emotional issue where you long for your children to remain overly dependent. I mean it could be something else: like your families poop doesn't stink, you want to baby your baby, or maybe you just haven't had enough kids yet.

I can assure you that after changing poopy diapers consecutively for 5 and 1/2 years, sometimes dealing with a toddler and infant at the same time, the idea of having a new, dependent baby makes me slightly sad. Sure those beginning poops are mustard yellow, barely smell, and those tiny little butts are beyond cute, but then after a few weeks, you wonder if the time will ever come that your child doesn't poop 14 times a day, and if your budget can survive buying that many diapers! This time I was blessed with having a nice, oh, 4 month break between diaper changing sessions; even though, my 2-year-old still wears diapers at night, she disposes of them on her own in the mornings. And it's only pee! But even with the hiatus, I still deal with poop on daily basis:

Sometimes my almost 6-year-old will ask me to help her. I tell her, "No, I deal with poop enough; you can do it." No room for babying there ...

My 4-year-old sits on the potty after she goes, screaming, "Moooooomy! Mooooooom! Mooooomy! I pooped!" I ignore her or tell her to hold on. {Insert tears}. "Moooooomy! Mooooooom! Mooooomy! I pooped! It's going to dry on my butt! Please don't let it dry on my butt!" I have never let poop dry on her butt, but I did tell her when I was trying to get her to wipe her own butt that it could happen. Bad idea. Now we have a poop-drying phobia.

Two-year-olds and poop are fun. Sincerely. If you don't laugh, you would break down in tears. I have potty-trained all my kids before they were 2 and 1/2 years old, but then it only gets more interesting. Our most frequent current thing is one of the girls coming in saying, "Mommy! Gigi pooped in the yard." Fun. Fun. Fun. We live on my parents farm, so there are lots of animals. I asked her why she thought it was okay to poop in the yard and she said, "Cayenne (the dog) does." We went through several episodes of this ... then it happened. By it, I mean the day she pooped repeatedly all over our walk. By the time I got her cleaned up, the sun had warmed it just enough that I one point I literally had to run away from it just prior to my gag reflex making puke spill all over the yard as well. She came up to me the other day and said, "It's okay to pee in the yard, but not poop." Whew. I think we're making progress. This is just a small snippet of having a potty-trained two-year-old, from emptying her own potty chair to pooping on the kitchen bench, things are always, always filled with poopy fun!

And, as if dealing with 3 kids isn't enough, you still have to deal with your own plumbing. Most of my pregnancy days are filled a conscious awareness of whether I'm eating the right foods, and drinking enough water to keep myself, you guessed it: pooping. And then, there is the never-ending saga of trying to find a moment, a slim fleeting moment where I can lock myself in the bathroom and go without someone interrupting me. As a mom there are certain phrases we hear ourselves repeat over and over again, and for me, one of them is, "Shut the door! I want to poop alone!"

You might think it ends there, but poop impacts your marriage as well. On days like today, when Richard is home, I let him deal with the butt wiping. But since today is Independence Day, I will also celebrate my own independence by letting him entertain the girls while I have some quality time in the bathroom! Let freedom ring!

Clutter Control

I have never been one to mind clutter. Sure, I much prefer a tidy house, but it just was never high on my priority list. {Enter three, almost four, young children}. Life changes change your perspective. There were times this past winter where I felt like my life was raging out of control. The fall previous I was overly busy with working two part-time jobs, traveling a good deal, and taking care of the girls, so things just got backed up and instead of really cleaning I established clutter collection locations. You know, those spots in your home that tend to gather all the items that don't "go" anywhere else. Things just spiraled out of control from there. Within a month's time, one of my jobs was eliminated, I took a job coaching 7th grade basketball, I found out I was pregnant, almost caved to exhaustion, and then quit my other part-time job. This all took place while Richard was going to school full-time and working full-time. And through all of that, guilt consumed me because I was supposed to be homeschooling. I did manage to keep myself so busy, I didn't have time to get too depressed.

Once Spring rolled around, I found myself in a second trimester rebound and a first-time solely stay-at-home mom. That little pep in my step helped me get a grip on my priorities. One of the first things I discovered was that the condition of the house was a major distraction for me when it came to homeschooling. I have read some on this topic and I've heard two opposing views:
1. You have to accept that your house won't be clean during these years, and ignore it.
2. You have to get rid of the clutter in your house or it will distract you.

For me, number one was not an option. It just wasn't working. I couldn't focus on the girls when there were literally hundreds of other projects screaming my name, demanding my attention as well. So since Evelyn was not technically in school yet and advanced for her age, I decided to set aside homeschooling for the spring and focus on getting our house in order, so we could start fresh for her kindergarten year. So here are ten things I've done to keep clutter under control.

1. High shelves. I almost drove Richard crazy with the number of shelves I added to our house this Spring. Some of them were just for me to put items on that didn't currently have a home, but I added some in the girls' room where I placed all of their toys that had small pieces. I can't even begin to explain how much this has helped! And will help once I have a crawling infant here in a few months.

2. A Storage Shed. We bought ours and put it on our property, but I know you can rent these as well. Our house is just so tiny, I needed a place to store things that just didn't fit, like our Christmas tree, camping gear, books that we want to put on our big old living room book shelves one day, etc. We actually killed 3 birds with one stone on this one. I got a shed with a loft to store all our totes. I divided the bottom of the shed, so we could keep our grill, bikes, and Power Wheels in one half and made a play house in the back half for the girls. This enabled me to get their toy kitchen out of their tiny bedroom. And honestly, they play with it more out there.

3. Purge. I made it a goal to get rid of at least 15 garbage bags of "stuff." I thought this would be a painful process, but let me tell you, it felt great! I now keep a "Goodwill" box in my utility room, so hopefully, I don't get to that point again.

4. Minimize Clothing. Part of the purge was getting rid of tons of clothing!

5. Accountable Kids. I've written a lot about this, but it's a lot easier to keep your house free of clutter when everyone in your house shares responsibility. We took a break from AK in June because we were traveling a lot, but as of right now it has taught all the girls how to get themselves ready in the morning and for bed. Can't even begin to explain the weight this has taken from my shoulders. We'll start back up on Monday.

6. Accountable Adults? I'm going to call it Same Page Partnering. I could write an entire post on this one topic, but for now, I'll try to be brief. AK was working so well for us, I decided to make an AA board for me and Richard. I just started working on this yesterday, so I'm sure I will write a follow-up post. But, as you can see from the picture it's the same concept, without the rewards. Well, the reward is harmony in our marriage. Sometimes Richard is so busy he doesn't have time to help me. Other times he's oblivious to the fact that I have a mental to-do list constantly running through my mind, and he hasn't figured out how to read it yet. (Wink). I created 3 categories: daily tasks (red), weekly tasks (green), and at-least-monthly tasks (brown). I was worried he would think that I was treating him like a little kid by doing this, but he actually chuckled when I explained it to him. I said that these were the household chores that I would try to get done while he was at work. He could come home from work, see how many were flipped over, and quickly judge how well my day went! It also let's him know what needs done without me being a nag.

7. The Clutter Basket. I have actually established a clutter collection location, but it's a basket, with a handle, that is meant to be carried around the house so clutter can be put away. When I'm quickly cleaning up the house, I throw smaller items into the basket. When the basket gets full, I carry it around the house and put those things away. I also use it when I'm cleaning I don't have to make as many trips throughout the house. It saves steps, time, and helps keep things tidy.

8. Labels. This is so when people help me clean, be it Richard or anyone else, they can help keep toys and school supplies sorted properly. Sort your toys, your kids won't play with them otherwise.

9. DVD Cases. We bought a DVD storage case at Target and got rid a lot of the cases. (85 to be exact). It cost $15. That is close to the best $15 I have ever spent. I'm not lying.

10. Daily Kitchen Cleaning. We homeschool in our kitchen, so this is my focus room to keep clean. The other rooms I try to clean weekly.

I'm anxious to see how these steps will work in the winter. It has always been easier for me to keep my house clean in the summer because we are away from home a lot more and the girls play outside a lot. Some of them, however, I implemented during our very wet, rainy Spring and they worked then, so I'm optimistic. Any additional tips?

An AK Success

On Saturday night, Gigi had a cold. She didn't sleep very well because her sinus drainage kept making her cough and at one point through the night she ran a slight fever. Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well either. So, at one point, early Sunday morning, when she woke me up yet again, I turned off the alarm. I figured if we woke up in time for church, we would go... If not, we wouldn't go. Well, I woke up 45 minutes before we needed to leave for church. Now, if it was just Richard and I that would be fine, but we have three kids under 6! In our former life, we would have never made it. However, I woke everyone up, explained that we had slept in and that if we were going to make it to church everyone would have to do their morning chores quickly. Not only were we not late, but we made it in time for announcements! I was so proud of my girls.

Happy 8 Year Anniversary to Us!

Richard and I have been married 8 years to the day! I thought I would reflect on it for a minute. The May of 2003, it rained every day except for 5 days. Our wedding day wasn't one of them, but God held off the rain until after 10 p.m. that day, so it was none-the-less, a beautiful day: 70 degrees with white fluffy clouds and blue skies! Which was important, considering we were getting married in my parents front yard, and our back-up plans weren't nearly as picturesque. I think our wedding reflected our personalities: young, care-free, budget conscious but not overly cheap, and mostly, fun! The last thing in the world that I wanted was stuffy affair, the way I looked at weddings (and still do) is that the marriage ceremony is about the bride and groom, but the reception, is about celebrating! Not just celebrating the marriage, but it is about celebrating all the people who helped make the marriage possible, from parents and siblings to aunts and uncles to mentors and coaches to our lovely friends. We loved them all so much and we wanted to celebrate their influence in our life as much as our new marriage. So there was dinner and music and dancing, but there were also horse shoes, and croquet, and Bocce, and even an inflatable bounce house and joust. There was alcohol and cake and cookies too! A lot of people were drunk that day, but we weren't. There was really no need for it! We were so happy! One of the things that I love about our wedding pictures is that we're smiling, quite naturally, in every one. I loved our photographer so much; she understood that it wasn't about her, but was about capturing memories. She stayed until late in the evening (and we had a 1:30 p.m. ceremony, so she was there at some point in the morning). We took portrait shots, but we didn't pose the other shots, like the toast and the cake cutting. It was a hallmark party! As a matter of fact, we left at some point in the evening and party kept going on without us! Rumor has it that some people were there until the wee hours of the morning. My mom will tell you that the day was shy of perfection because she forgot the crackers for the meat and cheese tray, but we didn't care! It was a great day!

Obviously, this is irrational, but one thing that makes me sad is that our friends whom we met and who have influenced our lives since our wedding date, weren't there. They are so important to who we are today, 8 years later, and it just seems like they should have been there that day! So I'm thinking a huge party is in order on some anniversary date, so they can be there, and we can celebrate them too!

I just read an interesting article lately about how the divorce rate in the United States in shrinking! Yep, that's right! Since 1996, divorce rates in the United States have gone down. However, not for every demographic, divorce rates have stayed the same or even increased for those people who have not continued their education beyond high school. I think that's a blunt statement. For example, I think Richard's Navy experience helped him mature just as much as my college experience helped me. But regardless, I get it. In college, I majored in psychology. I have yet to work in a field that actually requires that particular degree, but I think it has contributed a lot to my understanding of people. Couple my degree with everything my mom taught me in her years and years of fostering, my natural inclination toward analyzing people (I call it perception), and my years of studying relationships so I can teach teenagers about them, you have a person that gets people. I'd be amiss if I concluded that all of that hasn't contributed to my marriage. (There have been times in our marriage where Richard hasn't been too fond of my degree. And let's face it, dudes don't usually over-analyze things. So, I'll want to get to the bottom of an issue in our marriage, and he'll be like, "stop psycho-analyzing me." Haha... that's a total detour from my point).

Back to college, and it's influence on our marriage. My favorite psychology class I ever took was Social Psychology. There was a chapter on marriage, and I remember this diagram, very clearly, (but not whose theory it was)...

It was a triangle. At each point there was a word: commitment, passion, and friendship. The theory was that a healthy marriage was one that sat right in the middle of the triangle, and if the point of balance shifted in a particular direction, that influenced the marriage. Some examples:

-If a marriage or relationship was based solely on passion (and by passion, you know what I mean), the relationship would dissipate when the passion faded, as it always does at some point.
-If the marriage was based solely on commitment, it would be an empty, dissatisfying marriage. I think you see this imbalance result in "older" divorces, when the commitment can't hold on any longer.
-If the marriage was based solely on friendship, it could be rewarding for a time and the couple may be happy, but could be vulnerable to affairs.
-Omit passion, and the relationship can be healthy for a time, but the lack of intimacy can interfere over extended periods of time.
-Omit friendship, (hmmm - I can't remember this one, but I can envision those relationships that break-up and get back together over and over again)!
-Omit commitment, and you'll have a healthy and happy relationship until conflict arises, and eventually divorce will occur once the conflict interferes with the friendship and passion.

So, over our 8 years, we've tried to keep our triangle centered. Richard and I have always quite naturally been friends. We have a lot in common: our love for Jesus, family, friends, music, laughter, and fun! But we do try to conscious about spending time as just the two of us and finding ways to invest in our friendship. I have to give Richard props for recognizing pretty early on that playing video games and watching television were not valuable ways to strengthen our friendship! :)

The passion point, well, we have 3 almost 4 kids, spent almost 3 years living with my parents, and have been living in a two-bedroom house for the last 3 years, so I'm not going to pretend like that's always been perfect! But, we try! Funny side story: one thing we do at camp a lot, is let the kids ask us questions. Well, a few summers ago Kayla and I were answering questions from a group of boys regarding girls. One of the boys asked me, point blank, "You know in the sitcoms, how after you're married for a few years and have a few kids, you don't have sex anymore. Is that true?" Hahaha. Junior high boys. Let's just say part of the reason why Everybody Loves Raymond was so funny, was because it was so true! (By the way, that was a completely valid question, and I tried to answer it the best I could without being inappropriate).

And commitment, I think what's important about that one is not seeing it as a commitment to not get divorced, but seeing it as a commitment to remain in a love-filled marriage. When you take your wedding vows, you make a promise to do certain things - not, not do certain things. I have to say that when we've gone through trying times, it was a our commitment to remaining in love that carried us through, more so, than our commitment to not getting divorced.

Now, mind you, I have probably shared all this with Richard at some point, and he probably doesn't remember! So, while I tend to more consciously think about the triangle, he probably thinks: "Friendship. Yep. That's good. Sex. Yep. That's good. Keeping our marriage happy by keeping Kendra happy. Yep. That's good." ;-)

I love you, Richard! So, so glad we chose each other!

Parental Expectations

Last Easter, we got Evelyn and Riley their first bicycles! Riley had just turned 3 and Evelyn was 4, going to turn 5 in August. I was so excited! I had these grand delusions about how much fun we were going to have. One of my favorite childhood pastimes is riding my bike. I used to draw-up maps of the farm and plot out "roads" that lead to all my imaginary friends homes. Mind you, Seth was my only sibling at the time and we didn't always play well together. But, I had a very active imagination and spent hours upon hours playing with myself. My bike was usually either my car or my horse. I even built a car seat for my baby dolls using scrap wood and ropes. Even once I hit junior high and high school, where my imagination was redirected to more realistic pursuits, I still enjoyed bike riding, and I still do as an adult. There's nothing like riding down a hill on a hot summer day and having the breeze cool you down. Now mind you, I think I was probably around 6 or 7 before I got my first "real" bike, a hand-me-down from my cousin. It was purple and white and had a "banana" seat. I specifically remember getting on it at the top of driveway by the garage and going straight down the hill and running into the shed. After that, I was taught how to ride it by starting at the barn where the slope wasn't as steep. I was probably around 10, when my parents bought me a 10-speed bicycle complete with hand-breaks; it was probably a birthday gift because my parents wouldn't have bought me something expensive like that for no good reason. That bike and I had our share of adventures: up and down the lane countless times, trips to church and Cwalinski's and Schwender's, camping excursions with my dad at Barkcamp, we even took it on at least one vacation. On other vacations we would rent bikes. It was at Put-N-Bay that I earned my major bike-scar... We got to visit Sandusky's hospital on that vacation with a 5 stitch souvenir. Once Richard and I returned from Japan and I started doing youth ministry, I dusted the old 10-speed off, and at least once a year, I planned a bike outing with the youth group, either on the St. C. trail or Barkcamp.

So, needless to say, I have been long anticipating that day that the girls were old enough to ride bikes! I thought it would be a great way for us to all get exercise without me being stuck either waiting for Richard to get home or doing dance and yoga videos in the living room. And I also looked forward to them creating their own bicycle memories!

This is probably the first experience I've had as a parent where I really over-extended my parental expectations by projecting my own childhood experiences on them. In my case, it was me wanting them to enjoy something that I really enjoy so we could share the experience together. Plus, it is good for their motor development and a great form of exercise. None of those are bad motives, but I think attaching emotional expectations to something like that can be! Parents do this all the time! I think it can particularly dangerous when the subconscious motivation the parent has is to compensate for an inadequacy he or she felt growing up.

There are so, so many examples of this: parents investing large chunks of their family income on things like travel leagues and sports camps, competitive dance, pageants, elite private schools, etc. All of those things can be positive experiences, but so often children are taught through them that academics and activities are from where their value derives. It can also put a huge strain on the family if it over-extends the budget or demands too much time.

Another area where I see this come into play is relationships. Through youth ministry, I've spent a lot time with junior high students. Statistically, the chances of someone marrying and staying married to the person they start dating in 7th grade, is nil. It just doesn't happen. And even in the rare situations where it does, you know there are at least 5 break-ups in between. Yet, repeatedly, I see parents making huge efforts to encourage dating at that age. Not that I would stop my girls from having boyfriends, I think it's a normal exploratory activity, but when the parent over-invests in the relationship by allowing it to mirror an adult dating relationship, I think it teaches that having a boyfriend gives a girl value.

In both examples, I think very often the parent is trying to compensate for something in which they felt inadequate in childhood or even adulthood. One of my goals as a parent is to teach my girls that they're special because God made them special. They have God-given gifts, natural abilities, and character traits that they should work hard to develop. But, I also want them to realize that my love for them doesn't change and their value as a person doesn't change, when they fail to meet my expectations.

So, back to the bikes. Evelyn and Riley stunk at riding bikes last summer. They were both whiny and wanted to quit if they couldn't get it right away or if they failed, or in this case, fell over. Our lane doesn't work well with training wheels; often times they'd hit a groove in the road where the training wheels would elevate the back tire and suddenly their bikes were stationary! And, for the most part, they just had really little interest in even trying. We took their bikes with us to Barkcamp and the playground where they could ride on a flat surface, but they still didn't enjoy it. I tried not to be too disappointed and reminded myself that they were a lot younger than I was when I started riding. It was still a deflating experience though.

Well, this spring rolled around, with all its wetness, and the bikes were still sitting in the shed having hardly been ridden. However, last week was really nice and the sunshine dried the road out a good bit, and Evelyn, on her own accord, learned to ride her bike. We had a lot of fun riding up and down the road. (Richard got me a new bike for Christmas and after Evelyn's sudden interest, I bought myself a bike trailer for Mother's Day). With one baby always on board, and Riley and Gigi in the trailer, I really have to work it!

Well, this week, Evelyn earned her first AK date, which was put off a few days because of the rain, but she picked going to the bike trail with me! How excited was I!? I decided to hold off on bringing my own bike because I wasn't sure how well she would do. (The bike trail is fairly flat because it is an old railroad, but there are some long gradual up-hill parts). Bad idea! Learning to ride on gravel makes one really fast on the asphalt! I would have had to jog to keep up with her and at seven months pregnant and not in the best shape that was not happening! So she would ride ahead and then stop and wait for me to catch up, and then repeat.

We had gone quite a ways and Evelyn was probably a good 20 yards ahead of me when I think she got distracted by some passing women walkers. All of a sudden, her front tire was pointed straight down a steep embankment! I yelled "Brake Evelyn! Brake!" But apparently, her instincts are still to drag her feet when she gets scared and down the hill she rolled! I was telling Richard about it at home last night laughing, but it had my heart pumping! She actually didn't tip over, but was abruptly stopped at the bottom by some brush and a dead tree limb. I don't know how she didn't get hurt or scratched up worse than she did, but with the exception of one little cut, she was fine. And she got back on and started riding again with no problems. Whew!

And now she has a bike story to share with her kids. Full circle. :)

A Pregnancy Rant!

I'm starting this off from a bad mood, so you've been warned. I'm sitting here, just after 11 a.m., sipping on a warm chai because I couldn't manage to make it through today without caffeine. I didn't want to make a chai. It's been hot this week and we don't have our air conditioner in yet, so I try not to cook or run any heat producing appliances until after the high heat of the day has passed in order to keep the house bearable. I also don't like drinking hot beverages because it warms my core, and my pregnant body is at the point where it doesn't need its core warmed, but I didn't have anything else in the house with caffeine in it, and iced chais are just gross. I'm tired because for I didn't sleep well due to the normal pregnancy related issues coupled with my families' feeling of entitlement to wake me up! Yes, in addition to my bladder waking me up, I was awakened, often intentionally, by my family at least 4 times last night. So at this time I would like to make a public service announcement to all people who live with a pregnant lady (sarcasm intended):

WAKING A PREGNANT LADY UP, ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE IS IN DEEP SLEEP, MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH. IF YOU MUST ENTER THE ROOM OF A SLEEPING PREGNANT LADY, DO SO WITH EXTREME CAUTION, MAKING NO NOISE. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (even if she fell asleep on your side of the bed) ATTEMPT TO WAKE HER UP.

Chai. Ice water. Chai. Ice water. Chai. Ice Water.

This has given me an idea! Post comments and we'll co-write an e-book entitled "Living with a pregnant a woman: 100 things you shouldn't say and do." After we get enough suggestions, we'll have present and past pregnant ladies vote on which one's should make the book. NYT Best Seller List, here we come!

Accountable Kids: Week 3

We just completed Week 3 of the Accountable Kids (AK) program. We're still on Step 2.1, which means our kids have chores that they are responsible for completing every morning, afternoon, and evening. They are very basic: brush teeth, get dressed, etc. When they complete their chores, they earn privileges like watching television, playing with certain toys, visiting my parents (we live next door and so once summer hits my kids like to do this daily since they can walk there, but they are also notorious for using it as an excuse to get out of responsibilities here). That was step one. We have implemented the first part of Step 2, which is when they complete 10 days of doing all their chores they earn a special date with Mommy or Daddy or possibly a grandparent. Evelyn is one star away from earning her date, and Riley went on her first date with me yesterday!

The other part of Step 2 is implementing what the program calls a privilege pass - it's something you award daily if they avoid a negative behavior. I would like to start using it with Evelyn to work on her sassy mouth and eventually Evelyn and Riley on their bedtime habits. But the trouble I'm having is coming up with a privilege that would be motivating enough that we could afford (either with time or money) to give daily. Anyone have suggestions? The book is usually really good about giving suggestions, but they only two they gave for this particular topic: playing with friends after school (doesn't apply to us) or playing a board game with Dad. That idea may be motivating for some behaviors, but wouldn't work for others.

So how have we been doing with the program? Ah, pretty lax this week! They've still been doing their chores, primarily because they are very motivated to get dates, but I've been dismissing a lot of their chores. Mainly because some things I have to do on my end in order for them to complete their end. For example, they're supposed to fold and put away their laundry. That only happens if I do the laundry! We also haven't done school this week. Why? Well, Gigi had a doctor's appointment on Monday so we followed that up with lunch and a much needed shopping trip for maternity clothes, sandals, and underwear for me, plus new rain boots for the girls. Gigi had worn holes in the pair that had gone through Evelyn and Riley and the other two outgrew theirs. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were gorgeous days here in the midst of our very, very wet Spring. [Actually, as I write people all along the Mississippi river are dealing with massive (unseen since 1927) flooding, in part due to our run-off which goes right into the Ohio. So pray for them]. So on our shopping trip, I bought the bike trailer I've been wanting and we've had 3 straight days of hard core physical education complete with slip'n slides and hours of bike riding (and pretty nice sun tans)! Actually, Evelyn did learn how to ride her bike (with training wheels) proficiently this week. She's still a little bit afraid going around turns and down hills, but I'm excited that we'll be able to hit the bike trail some this summer. (My trailer converts to a jogging stroller, so I can get my walking in pushing the younger two, while Evelyn rides).

When we bought this program, one of the things Richard didn't like about it was that the girls had to earn dates. He didn't want them to think that they had earn time with him, as it does present a works versus grace oriented mentality. I understood his concern, but I still encouraged him to do the program as designed in its entirety since it gets rave reviews for being successful. (And it doesn't mean he can't take the girls on dates just because either)! I have to say that I don't think the program would work without that aspect, while the girls are motivated to earn privileges, they are much, much more motivated to earn dates! They are both familiar with dates because Richard does, on occasion, take them on one, so the idea of getting to go on them more frequently and with Mommy got them pretty fired up.

When Riley was a few a days away from earning her first date, she started to get very excited! She would say to me, "No Evelyn. No Gigi. No Daddy. Just me and Mommy!" Since I'm a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, I spend a ton of time with my kids. It never really dawned on me how much she valued being the object of my undivided attention with no one around to interrupt! Not only was she excited to do something fun; she was excited to do it with just me. She chose to go to Eat'N Park and mini-golfing. And I surprised her with a trip to her favorite ice cream store afterward. Riley is such a sweet, fun-loving little girl. She danced and sang her way around the golf course, often helping me get the ball out of the hole since bending over that far after eating is not pleasant at this point in the pregnancy. She is also pretty introverted. Our car rides to and from were mostly silent with the exception of me asking her some questions. We didn't really talk about anything significant, but just enjoyed each other's company and the fun of the moment! (She'll make a great girlfriend one day)!

She did have a little bit of a sourpuss attitude toward doing her chores today! :) Oh, and I'm still trying to figure out how to get Gigi to quit emptying the cards from everyone's hooks!

The Favorite Game

My mom just stopped and picked up the girls for what will presumably be a few hours. And I feel stress melting off my shoulders like hot wax drips from the tip of the just lit candle. I could use the time to dive into some more cleaning/baby prep work that needs done; after all, the crib is starting to overflow with unfolded laundry, winter coats that need put away, and summer clothes that have yet to be properly swapped with their winter counterparts. D day is plus or minus 11 weeks. I have decided instead to make myself a chai and indulge in some "me time." My week has been on the stressful side and writing helps me process.

I purposely don't write things about my family that are specifically negative. Not to be unauthentic, but because I wouldn't be happy if someone decided to pick up a pen and write about my nasty side, so I'll pay the same respect due to them. But nasty sides we do have. In particular, I've been dealing with specific behavior issues with one of my children that have me questioning my parenting - both present and future. You start to wonder how many days you can endure before the tumult will subside. It's times like this that I'm thankful that I have a supportive husband and friends who can offer me fresh perspective when mine is tapped out.

I've been spending some time preparing for camp. (A friend of mine and I direct a week long summer camp for 9-12th graders. I'm so glad I'm still doing it! When I lost my job in youth ministry, I felt like I was giving up a part of myself, but fortunately, this is enough to feed that part of my soul when my life phase is leading me somewhere else). We've decided to focus on the books of Genesis and John, with the afternoon Bible studies focusing on gender based case studies from Genesis. Genesis is probably my favorite book of the Bible, and I'm excited that I get to use the next month to study it a little more in depth. For me, it's like entering into a Bond of Ancient Sisterhood. I'm not sure how anyone could read from it and consider the most ancient Biblical records antiquated. The stories that unfold read like a rip off from a Jerry Springer show:

A good woman gets caught up with a snake of man and lead down the wrong path.
A socialite desperate to have a child prompts her maid to surrogate for her, but then things turn a nasty as jealousy rears its angry head.
A mother who favors one son over the other to compensate for an ill bond between father and son.
Two sisters fighting desperately for the love of one man.
A woman ignored by her husband tries to seduce the "pool" boy only to get shot down.

I love Genesis and all its soap opera-y goodness. But perhaps the reason I love it the most is because I can relate to these women! I relate to lure of temptation and sin. I relate to the woman desperate to have what others take for granted, who would manipulate her husband to have her way. And recently, I've really been thinking about Rebecca.

I love how the author of Genesis makes no excuses for the fact that Rebecca favored Jacob. He was certainly a mama's boy and obviously he needed some extra loving since all Isaac did was brag about Esau's mad hunting skills (I totally exaggerated this, but you can totally see this taking place today)! Besides, who doesn't love a man who can cook? Ultimately, she and Jacob concocted a plan for Jacob to steal Esau's inheritance by pooling the wool, or should I say goat skin, over Isaac's eyes.

This is pretty devious and I sincerely can't imagine pitting my children against one another like that, but I'm not going to be too harsh a judge. I mean her sons were the grandchildren of Abraham - the heirs of the God's covenant. Maybe she really just thought Jacob would do a better a job, but then again probably not. She was probably just like millions of other moms who for whatever reason connect better to one child over another.

One thing that has really surprised me over the years is the number of moms who will actually admit to having a favorite child. Or even more commonly an almost dislike of a particular child with whom her personality clashes. I'm not saying she doesn't love her kid - just that their relationship would possibly function better long distance. Seriously, catch a mom on an off day, and she'll tell you about how much one of her kids just digs at her skin. (What I find amusing is it's usually the child who is most like her)!

I know you're now expecting me to confess that I have a favorite or that one of my kids drives me crazy! Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not there yet! Mostly because the Bond of Ancient Sisterhood reminds me of the dangers (sibling rivalry, marital discord, etc.). However, while there are things about all my kids' personalities that I adore, there are also things that drive me batty! (And yes, I have noticed that the things that drive me batty may be similar to my own personal pit falls). And, I certainly go through phases where the negatives stand out more than the positives. Case in point, this past week.

Here are some things I try to do to help me battle negative feelings toward one of my children:
1. Remind myself that her feelings matter! (Is it possible that we're not getting along because of something I've done or am doing)?
2. Spend solo time with her where she chooses the activity. It's easy for children to feel like they have no control. Obviously, kids need to respect parental authority, but everyone needs a little autonomy. And every successful relationship takes time to maintain. Do you feel better about your husband after a date night? This works for kids too.
3. Write down a list of 10 things you adore about her. In the heat of the moment, this can actually be a high challenge! But it will change your perspective!

Do you have any tips for battling animosity toward your kids?

Accountable Kids: Week Two

I think when dealing with a strong willed child, implementing this program may throw them for a loop if you were previously a pretty lax parent. Expect them to test your boundaries and commitment to the program as they have a high need for autonomy. They may feel like you're trying to take that away from them.

Other than that we're doing great! Two weeks down. Two full weeks of school. Two full weeks of the house not being trashed!

Here's a picture of Riley's board! This makes me smile, not only because she's doing well at the program and it's helping her feel accomplished, but because she saves her tickets! I would have done this as a kid! (I'll encourage this trait as it's a big part of the reason as to why I'm a financially responsible adult). We actually had to make her spend some of them because we ran out.

Accountable Kids

This past week, Richard and I started a new program with the girls called Accountable Kids (www.accountablekids.com). (Thanks Audrey)! I decided to keep a journal of our progress with it. You may find this boring, but if you have small children (or older children who struggle with handling responsibility) and feel overwhelmed by the task of managing your home, you may want to read it. [I have to admit it feels a little bit like a slap in the face that I spent $115 on this program (for 3 kids) when it's obvious an exceptional mom could accomplish this on her own, but considering my own mediocrity, I have decided it was worth every penny]!

Week #1 in review: I've had the AK program in my hands for a complete week now, and I'm loving it! This morning, I did have a teary moment. Riley, who normally allows me do everything for her, was going through her chores and brushed her hair on her own. She did a good job too! I think it mainly made me sad because one of things I most looked forward to in having little girls was fixing their hair!

Here are the Top 10 Things that I like about Accountable Kids after the first week:
1. Feeling like we have a team in our house by dividing responsibility.
2. I've been yelling less (an issue for me). Taking away the tickets usually stops bad behavior quickly.
3. A cleaner house.
4. Accountability for myself. When the kids see clearly the chores, rules and schedule displayed on the wall, they motivate me to keep my end of the deal.
5. Easing a sense of entitlement. My five year old was quickly developing an entitlement attitude. I have seen that weaken this week.
6. Greater communication with Richard. Richard and I have very different parenting styles. But having the expectations laid out in plain sight has increased our ability to parent on the same page.
7. A successful week of school! For the first time since probably August, we did an entire week of school! I'm so proud of us. (I should point out that in addition to starting AK, we also switched curriculums and started a new scheduling format concurrently).
8. Lessening of guilt. I carry around a lot of guilt about how little I accomplish throughout my days. I'm not sure it's whether it's that I've been accomplishing more or that we have divided the responsibility regarding the home, but I've felt much less guilty.
9. Feeling accomplished!
10. More free time to just spend with my girlies. :)

Since I'm starting this journal late, I'm doing the first 6 days in a lump.

Day #7 (Wednesday): Today is going well. We're observing quiet time now and since we don't have more rooms in our house than people that has been translating as DNDM time: Do Not Disturb Mom. The girls have the option of playing quietly in their bedroom or the living room, either playing with toys or coloring or looking at books. No movies. Evelyn has actually been choosing school related activities most days: reading, workbooks, and today she is doing puzzles. This excites me that she is taking some responsibility for her own education already. I have been spending quiet times in my room with at least 15 minutes reserved for napping on my left side. (I am not looking forward to 90 degree days in July - my edema is already starting to kick in gear).

This morning I got up at 8 am which is ideal for me. My days always run smoother when I get up on time. I made a schedule to follow that is shaped like a clock. It works well for the girls but also well for my spatial oriented brain. I am hoping to get a special clock made that works with the schedule so it actually has a dial. For now it looks like this:

Getting up at 8 am gives me a full two-hours to do MY MORNING CORE CHORES: personal care, breakfast, dishes, start laundry, devotional time, and I enjoy reading the news. It takes me that much time to get all that done and help the girls complete their morning core chores. I am extremely surprised that school is going so well. I wasn't even planning on putting school into our AK program until next week, but things have been going so smoothly, I decided to start on Monday. We have spent at least 1 hour and 30 minutes a day on school for the last three days. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it is a HUGE accomplishment for us! And it's more hours than we've logged in months! (I have to give partial credit to switching to new curriculums, but more on that in another post).

Day #5 and 6 (Monday and Tuesday): Monday was our first real day doing AK and it was without Richard. Evelyn woke up ready to challenge me, which is not uncommon for her; she is rather strong-willed. She managed to lose all her tickets - in part because she spends them hastily - but also because she lost some. A few times she replied, "I don't care!" but after she realized her next punishment would be a "Dora" long time-out (30 minutes), she got herself into gear. Overall, I'm pleased how well the program has been working with her and her behavior issues, in particular, her talking-back rather sassily.

On Tuesday, I slept in until almost 9 o'clock. We had a long Easter weekend, and I was beat. Evelyn and Gigi got up before me and when I made it out to the living room, they were watching a movie (a ticket activity). Because we're still new to the program and because that was previously acceptable behavior, I just decided to remind them that they needed to complete their morning chores before watching a movie. We paused it until the finished their morning chores.

On Tuesday evening, Gigi needed a ticket for an activity and she only had one! Gigi has tons of tickets because we still help her do her chores which are extremely basic and because she is a fairly compliant child who doesn't lose many. She even had some best behavior cards. I asked her where all her tickets went and she said, "I threw them away." And we think she really did because we haven't found them anywhere else! So while she is starting to get into the program, she doesn't grasp it fully yet!

Day #4: Easter Sunday! We took the day off.

Day #3: Saturday was our first full-day of doing the program! It went great! The girls loved it and were eager to participate. Even Gigi, who didn't quite get it on Friday, was all about it! It did not take her long at all to learn what each of the pictures represented. My guess is I'll be updating about Evelyn (who is 5, strong-willed and at times very non-compliant) and Gigi (who is 2 and actually too young for the program, but fairly advanced for her age and fairly compliant) the most. Riley is 4 and for the most part very compliant, so you probably won't hear about her as much.

I purposely decided to start the program on a day that Richard was home because I wanted him to reinforce the program. Especially for Evelyn who has been saying things to me like, "I don't want to." "That's your job." "You're mean." "You hate me." "That's not fair." etc, etc. Yes, she is tween-drama-queen already. I also wanted Richard to see that keeping this house in working order would require a team effort. I simply cannot keep up with being a teacher, ministry volunteer, mother, and wife all while being pregnant. We transformed the title of maid to Team Kendle. At the end of the day, I was sooo relieved with how the house looked! Yes! It wasn't trashed! Everyone was taking responsibility for themselves. I also loved how it took responsibility from me. Day after day, I was used to feeling so defeated about the condition of our house - like a failure. Now when we fail, we fail as a team. Instead of being seen as the b@#*% who harped on everyone all day to pick after themselves, I was being seen as just another member of the team. It felt great.

Day #2: I introduced the program to the girls. We decorated and hung up their boards and practiced the program for the rest of the day. It was new and fun and the girls enjoyed it.

Day #1: AK arrived in the mail on Thursday! I was so excited! I prepped the program and sped-read through the book. I decided to follow the book and do the steps in order so we only started Step 1, which is basically core chores, tickets, and disciplining with tickets. The girls' core chores are still pretty basic: get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, and fix hair. In the morning, Riley is responsible for helping me clear the breakfast table and do dishes and Evelyn is to make their bed. In the afternoon, Evelyn and Riley are to fold and put away their laundry and after dinner, help clear the table. In the evening they all have: bath, brush teeth, pajamas, pick up clothes, and pick up toys. I even made a little chart for their ticket privileges as well as a chart for how they would lose tickets.

Innocence with a Touch of Grace

Since I don't have time to write as often as I'd like, I keep a running memo on my phone when an idea pops into my head. Just a quick note that will jog my memory of an event. The bottom two such memos right now are:

Sufficiency and Grace during Times of Defeat
and
Gigi's Non-Conformity

Two separate instances, completely unrelated triggered these ideas, but as I write on I think you'll find the two are intricately connected. The first occurred during a trip to the grocery store with all three girls. While the details are fuzzy, I just remembered feeling defeated. It was one of those days when I was keeping a mental check list of everything in my life that wasn't right.

-My organizational skills. Suck.
-Self-Discipline. What's that?
-My marriage skills. Lacking.
-My parenting skills. Mediocre.

I couldn't even get through the grocery store without my kids running around like little hell'yuns. I had this looming sense of fear that someone would judge me. Someone would recognize how insufficient I was. Someone would tell me all the things I was doing wrong. Heaven knows the list is lengthy.

But in my moment of defeat Grace spoke to me. Jesus knows how insufficient I am. And yet He chooses to love me, chooses to forgive me, chooses to extend loving guidance in my life, and continues to bless me. I'll probably write about Grace a lot throughout this blog. I can assure you there is no other job that highlights your need for it more than motherhood.

My youngest daughter, Gigi, is 2 years old. My husband's band was leading worship at a church. While the church is what I'll classify as contemporary, it was still a typical church. Everyone was really nice. People sat in their seats. Stood while the sang. And listened to the preacher preach. What made it more contemporary was the absence of an organ and presence of some hand-raising and a projector. We even had a pot luck after the service.

During the music section, Gigi moved out into the aisle. She's short, loves music, and wanted to see her daddy sing and play. She was not being disruptive, it was a Zacchaeus moment of sorts. So I let her go. But then she started dancing. I had this urge to pull her back into the seats. I knew that some people would not approve of my unruly child dancing in aisle, but thankfully, I paused and realized how ridiculous I was being. She simply wasn't old enough to realize she wasn't conforming to the status quo. She simply liked the music and wanted to dance. The only thing pulling her back into the seats would have accomplished was embarrassment.

I could have chose to teach her that life has unspoken rules. Like, dancing to music is okay unless you're visiting a Baptist church. However, I chose instead to let her innocence remain intact. And with sadness, I had this clear understanding that she would learn the lesson of conformity soon enough. Soon enough, my daughter will understand that life is a sequence of not living up to expectations, including her own.

I hope beyond hope that at that time, I can introduce her to my friend, Grace.

Mediocre Vacation and Review of Great Wolf Lodge

Vacations with kids are never really vacations.

Last week, Richard took vacation. Not just a few days either - he took the whole week off! We were really surprised in September, on Richard's five year anniversary with his employer, to learn he moved up to three weeks of vacation! (We thought he had to put in 8 years). In five years, Richard has only taken one whole week off work and that was to direct a church camp with me several years ago. Because of his commitments to his band, we usually try to plan our vacations over long weekends, so we only use a day or two of vacation, reserving the rest for personal days and weekend trips with the band. I write this nonchalantly, but in reality I get really peeved about it! So, when he moved up to three weeks, I insisted that one WHOLE week would be reserved for our family. He didn't protest; who doesn't want to a whole week off work?

So, in January, we planned for him to take the week of his spring break off - from school, from work, from the band! I was dreaming of FREEDOM! Freedom from doing "it all." Freedom from putting off work around the house that has needed done for months. Freedom from feeling completely overwhelmed. Nine days of glory!
Well, nine days was quickly shortened to five as we realized we had a worship service to work on the weekend before and the band had a gig the weekend after. Sigh. I could deal with this as we would still have two full days to get things done at home before spending the next three at Great Wolf Lodge in Cincinnati with my BFF from college and her family.

Then it happened, on Sunday, the second day of our vacation, Evelyn got sick. Monday, Riley and Gigi got it. And Tuesday, on the fourth day of our glorious break, I took ill. I cried, and got angry, and cried some more, and got angry. THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING! We work so hard and we DESERVE a break! I could break into some lecture about how that is an entitlement attitude and in reality we're entitled to nothing, but instead receive everything we have through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, but ... I'm not. It's truth, and I know it. But I don't think that is the lesson Jesus was trying to teach me. I fully enjoyed my pity party.

I told my friend about our illness and she and her husband agreed to risk it as we were all looking forward to this vacation. So I got up Wednesday morning, feeling sicker than a dog, finished packing our bags, loaded our sick children in the van, and we left. We were about 45 minutes into our trip when Riley puked everywhere. Two hours in our mini-DVD player over-heated and made our whole van smell like burnt semi-breaks. At that point, I was ready to turn around. I really felt the trip wasn't meant to be and was destined to be a disaster. I was venting my frustrations to Richard, when I realized the lesson involved. He shared how much he enjoyed his first two days of vacation. Say what?

He was pretty much my hero, but I never would have guessed he enjoyed it! He did all the laundry. Cleaned up endless rounds of vomit. Bathed Gigi at least 5 times. Washed a good 10 rounds of pukey towels and clothes. Slept with Gigi both nights while she puked on both him and herself. Made several trips to the store. And cleaned a lot of the house. He also watched a lot of kiddy movies with one of the girls curled on his lap. Not anyone's dream vacation by any stretch of the imagination. He said, "It felt good being there when you (collective) needed me. I don't always feel like I'm there for you." Okay, that was not an exact quote because it was five days ago and I was sick, but you get the point. Sigh. And I felt ~LOVED~. Really, really loved.

I wish I could say we all got better and our vacation was perfect, but it wasn't. Riley, Gigi, and I were sick for most of it. There were signs everywhere about how you weren't supposed to go to the water park if you were sick, but we paid good money for this trip, and so we were swimming! I wasn't supposed to do - anything really - according to the signs because I was pregnant. But I did. We also had nine people in our 8 person capacity room. I felt like such a rebel! Mawhaha. I spent a lot of time sleeping and in the bathroom when I would have rather have been visiting and hanging with girls in the pools.

I could write more - like about how cute Riley and Gigi were going on the slides, or how much Evelyn loved playing with my friend's little boy and is going to be such an amazing big sister (again), or about having to use Lamaze techniques to keep from going diarrhea in my pants while sitting in Columbus traffic on the way home - but I'll end it with a review of Great Wolf Lodge.

Top Five's:

1. Ease. Everything was right there. We could go back to our rooms for naps and breaks. So nice to not have to load the kids up in the car to go somewhere.
2. Kid friendliness. Perfect for kids as soon as they're walking! Had tons of options for all height levels.
3. Friendliness of staff. I did not run into a single staff person was not pleasant.
4. The room. Great size. Comfortable beds. Non-stuffy air. Fridge and microwave. Every room had a patio or balcony.
5. Extras. If you wanted to spend the money, there was a lot more to do than just the water park. Arcade. Spa. Story time. And more!

Tips:

1. Plan your meals! The food there was VERY expensive. I saw a lady carrying in a crock-pot with food. :)
2. If your kids are still nappers, the "free" day after check-out isn't really usable. Plan on an hour or two that last day.
3. Two nights was enough, but three would have probably been ideal.
4. This didn't work since I was sick, but the water park is open until 10. So half of the adults can sneak out in the evening!
5. Go during the week during the school year! It wasn't busy at all except for Friday!

Small, Meet Tall, Part III

10 Reasons I like Living in a Small House (in no particular order):

1. Less rooms to clean.
2. Forced organizational skills.
3. Lots of family togethernerss.
4. Lessens the temptation to buy junk.
5. Costs less to heat and cool.
6. Cheaper rent or mortgage payments.
7. Faster to clean.
8. Lower property taxes.
9. Forced creativity.
10. Ability to hear your children getting in trouble. :)

Mediocre Marriage

One of the things that makes me a mediocre mom is my mediocre spouse skills. A lot of people envy Richard's and my marriage. I know they do because they tell me. So I thought I'd clarify a few things:

1. Richard and I do have a good marriage, but it's not an easy marriage. We work hard and yet still fight about the same things we did before we were even engaged 10 years ago!

2. Our marriage may seem ideal to some because we try to not publicly humilate each other. (i.e. Air our dirty laundry in public). This isn't because we want to be fake, but because we want to respect each other. Our closest friends will tell you we're pretty authentic people and that our marriage is far from perfect!

So while Richard does a lot to contribute to our mediocre marriage, I'll stick with mostly my own faults in this post. Last night Richard and I had it out - again. After I got settled down and was thinking and talking more clearly, I pointed out to him that our marriage tends to run in a cycle.

A cycle that usually starts with me going psycho. Something happens and I finally lose it. I'm not going to say I don't have justifiable reasons for feeling stressed, overwhelmed, neglected, shut-out, alone, etc. I think most moms, and in particular stay-at-homes, will attest to these feelings. I adore my children, but I'm an educated, intelligent, attractive, and interesting person and that part of me longs for an outlet beyond negotiating bargaining agreements over the current object of debate. This morning it was a Dr. Seuss book. Eventually, all those feelings boil over.

And, I lose it. I don't just a little bit lose it either. I a lot lose it. Somehow, in my years of studying psychology and working with people, I managed to never learn how to give myself a time-out to collect my thoughts and present them in a reasonable manner. I drop words a sailor would be proud of and in general make an idiot out of myself.

I'll also say in almost 8 years of marriage Richard has yet to figure out how to say, "Kendra, go calm down and then we'll sort this out." Instead, he chalks my actions up to pregnancy or post-pregnancy or PMS hormones and psychotic tendencies, and usually turns the heat up instead of down by making me feel dismissed. The expression "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is probably the of the most accurate cliche expressions we have. On our good fight days, I'm able to bring it down and express why I'm not just crazy, but on our worst, one of us usually leaves that house in fit of rage.

Usually, we eventually talk things out, work through our frustrations and come up with a reasonable plan. If you've been keeping track, that's phase three of the cycle. Phase 4 is a couple of really great days, maybe even weeks! Phase 5 is the plan falling by the wayside and my feelings of bitterness, resentment, jealousy, anger, and so on turn the heat back up.

Sigh. I guess if I wasn't so mediocre we could land on phase 4 a lot longer and skip parts of phase 1 and phase 2 altogether. I also wish I could say my mediocre marriage skills didn't attribute to my mediocre motherhood skills, but they do. I don't line up a babysitter when I feel phase 5 coming to an abrupt meeting with phase 1. I don't calmy suggest to Richard that he should join me in our bedroom with the "talking stick" suggested in our pre-marriage counseling. Nope, instead we duke it out the old-fashioned way, and on good fight days, the kids don't end up crying too.

[I just proofread this and it made me sad. I thought about adding an ending that would make it more cheery, but it's an ugly truth and there's no point in putting frosting on it. Maybe I'll focus on working on solution for this, and in a few months do a Grit_Spit_DuctTape post].

Small, Meet Tall, Part II

My title for this series of posts is figurative. But for this particular post it is literal. Living in a small space in our consumer-laden society is not an easy task. We don't buy our kids toys except for Christmas, Easter, and their birthdays, and even then, we go easy. But when you have 3 children, those gifts add up quickly! I try to do a good job of getting rid of toys we don't use and clothes that we won't wear, but it doesn't take long for our house to feel like it's being over-run by stuff. So here's a list of tips for living tall is a small space:

1. Think up! When we buy or build a house people often ask how many square feet, but what about cubic feet? There is a lot of space in our homes that goes unused and it's up high. Build shelves. (Or in hidden areas, install wired shelving). We've done this in several places and I have some more on my honey-do list.

2. Forfeit floor space for storage space. If you own your home and can build closets, go for it! Living space is not nearly as important as storage space.

3. Organize toys. We keep toys sorted in plastic totes. Toys are more likely to be played with when all the parts are easily accessible.

4. Rotate toys. Don't keep all of your kids toys out all the time. Box them up for a few months, and it'll be like Christmas when you get them back out.

5. Make "rooms" out of unconventional spaces. Our laundry room is in a closet that opens to our bathroom like you'll see in many homes. But, we also built our office in a closet that opens into our living room. Our hallway was 4 feet wide, so we built shelves on one of the walls and made it our play room. They serve their purpose without using a lot of square footage.

All that said, we're pretty cozy in 950 square feet with 5 of us, so 6 is going to push us to the limit with space for beds. Right now we have a full-size bed in the girls' room which we're going to put a twin bunk over, and a crib in our room. Hopefully, by the time this baby outgrows the crib, we'll have the top on our house.

Here are some things that we're going to do to make extra space for this baby:

1. Limit clothing. I read an article recently (mom brain can't remember where) that suggested only allowing your children 5 outfits each. While this is a little extreme and would put a lot of pressure on me to always stay up with the laundry, I like the concept. I'm going to try 7 play outfits, 7 nicer outfits, and 5 dress-up outfits per child. I may try rotating them more like I do toys by seasons. (Right now I just do winter/summer).

2. Buy a toy shed! The storage area we have for out-of-season and out-of-size clothing, as well as, Christmas decorations and out of rotation toys is filled to the brim. We're planning to buy a toy shed/play house/storage shed. This one is perfect: http://weaverbarns.com/playhouse/ but I doubt it's in our budget.

3. Build more shelves!

What's for dinner?

This week Gigi had the following for dinner:

Monday: I can't remember.
Tuesday: Dorritos
Wednesday: Grilled tuna - that she didn't eat. So I made her PB&J.
Thursday: Mashed potatoes and gravy - that she didn't really eat.
Friday: Oh, we went to Eat'n Park for Riley's birthday, so she ate of the salad bar: cottage cheese and shredded cheese.
Saturday: Cheese quesadilla

Today is Sunday, and while we haven't had dinner yet, I can tell you that she had Christmas cookies for breakfast.

#MomFail

Quiet Times and Baptisms

Today I made the girls do quiet time, which means playing in their room with toys, while I take a break. Apparently, I should intermittently check in on the girls, cause the came out with wet heads. I asked them why their heads were wet and they said, "We baptisized each other." There goes my Calvinist opposition to re-baptism.

Small, Meet Tall

We live in a society that tells us having a bigger car, bigger house, bigger paycheck, and bigger debt is the way to go. This summer I will turn 30, and it is my dream, and my husband's and my goal to be debt free before then. For the past five years, I have worked part-time jobs never making more than $13,000 a year. My position was recently cut at one position and after finding out I was preggo with #4, I decided to quit my adjunct teaching job at a small community college. My husband works full-time at a descent middle class job and goes to school full-time collecting GIbill payments which makes it like a second job. So as you can see, we're not rich, but we're not poor either - we just work hard and take advantage of good opportunities, attempting to put the needs of our family first.

But even then I bet you're thinking, "DEBT FREE?!" Yep. We buy used vehicles and only own one. Richard has a company vehicle for work purposes only, so I'm not stranded when he's at work. Although, this is the real kicker, we live in a 950 square foot, 2 bedroom basement apartment that we built on land my parents gave us. It's finished and has at least one window in every room, so it doesn't really feel like a basement on the inside, just a small apartment. The outside has been compared to a bomb shelter. We actually don't live on "that" tight of a budget; although, we aren't big, happy-go-lucky spenders either. And, we never buy something that we don't have the cash to pay for. Here in a few short months, we will no longer have a mortgage payment and we'll start saving to build the top of our home. That feels great! Absolutely great!

I also know a lot of you are thinking, "I COULD NEVER LIVE IN A HOUSE THAT SMALL!" I'll write some follow-up posts soon about why I love my small house and some tips for living in one. Who knows? Maybe you'll decide to start living tall by going small.

What Motivates You?

Recently, I've been a little bit consumed with the notion of love languages. Gary Chapman proposed the idea in his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. While I haven't read the book, the concept seems pretty clear cut: not everyone feels loved the same way. This may explain why once, when Richard and I were dating and he was making squat working at a Christian summer camp, I got angry with him when he spent almost an entire pay check buying me 2 dozen roses! Gifts is not my love language. I found this little survey online that helps you determine your love language: click here. Before I took it I was convinced that my love language was Acts of Service, but on this quiz I got Quality Time. My guess is I'm bi-lingual in language of love because I love, love, love it when Richard helps me around the house, or gives the girls a bath, or gives me a massage, or even brushes my hair. Those last two could also count as quality time and physical touch, so that explains why I really love them!

I've been really unmotivated recently. I'm tired. I haven't been sleeping well due to a bunch of crazy dreams that wake me up. I told Richard that I feel like I'm watching movies all. night. long. Yesterday, I also laid off the caffeine because I'm pretty sure it contributes to the dreams. (I could write a series of posts on how severely caffeine effects me)! Furthermore, life is in a high gear phase for us. Richard's band, Affix, has been going full-force. He's also working full-time and a full-time student online. So while I support all that he is doing, you can rightly assume that he doesn't really have time to make me feel loved in the ways that really work for me!

Needless to say, my nifty schedule that I made has not been going according to plan. The problem with being a stay-at-home-mom is there aren't a whole lot of serious consequences for slacking, but there also aren't a whole lot of rewards for excelling either. Why clean when for one, it will be dirty again the next day, and two, I don't have the energy to get it all clean? My guess is some women love a clean house enough that it is motivation alone. And it might be motivation for me as well, if I could get it all done in one day, and it would stay that way for more than a few hours! I homeschool the girls, but right now, they are only in pre-school, and either advanced or on target for their ages. Sure, teaching Evelyn to read is important, but it's not going to hurt her to miss a day here and there. The one thing I have been managing to stay on top of is laundry, but it's draining to do it day-in and day-out. I don't want to make it seem like I'm complaining, I'm just pointing out that I NEED something to motivate me! Where's the beef?

So yesterday, the girls went back to visit my mom, and I had the afternoon free. I really wanted to spend a lot of time cleaning, but I was sooooo tired. So I hashed through some ideas for rewarding myself: I ruled out a bubble bath with a good book because our tub really isn't that comfortable and the water only covers half of me, and I also decided not to use food since I've been lacking major self-control on this issue anyway, and don't need any extra calories. I also don't have any hobbies I love well enough to use as a reward either (not this time of year anyway). Then I had a brilliant idea! I asked Richard if he would give me a 20-minute massage as my reward for cleaning for two hours! He loved the idea. Not really, but he went for it with the addition of going out to dinner and making it a date.

Cleaning was still drudgery. It literally took me 3 and 1/2 hours to do 2 hours of cleaning. I finished just minutes before Richard got home from work. But it worked! And consequently, I enjoyed my house a lot more today.

So, what motivates you?