Several friends posted a news footage video on Facebook about a restaurant that banned children under 6; I thought I would share some thoughts. Of course, the parents group were talking about how ignorant it was, and the anti-children group were applauding the decision. When I just had Evelyn, I would have firmly been in the parents' corner, but now that I have three kids, I wouldn't mind having the option of going to a restaurant that was quieter. I enjoy nights out with my husband, kid-free. My thought is if the restaurant owner thinks he can maintain his business, it's his prerogative, but just a note to him: you'll tick parents (and grandparents and aunts and uncles and people who want children but don't yet) off, for good reason! I thought I would offer some middle ground thoughts.
If you back the restaurant owners decision, consider this:
1. It's a good thing that parents love their children. When children grow up in homes where there is not love, they grow up to be liars and cheaters, vindictive and self-serving, criminals and burdens to society. Don't negatively judge a parent for the loving their child - it's what God designed them to do and be.
2. Understand child development. I'm not asking anyone to take a psychology course, but in general understand that you can't expect the same behavior from a two-year-old that you can from even a four-year-old. Toddlers have an entire world at their fingertips that they have just begun to explore! They're natural curiosity for life should be inspiring, not annoying. A young child may want to explore a new restaurant with the same gusto that you would explore Pompeii.
3. Understand parents are embarrassed. When a child acts out in public, it's humiliating. There are - as the story clearly points out - people judging you. Most parents are trying their best to keep their children's natural curiosity under control, and they don't need evil stares from you to let them know they're doing a - mediocre - job.
4. Make accommodations. If you want to treat all people with love and respect, including parents, don't act like the fact that they have children is a handicap! You have no idea how much you will bless a parent's life by including them and their children in your life. But if you really can't get past the fact that kids annoy you, make accommodations. Own a restaurant? Have a separate family-friendly room. Want a classy wedding? Offer childcare services or make entertainment kits for the ceremony that include crayons and coloring books. {Major pet-peeve: Don't send someone a wedding invitation that basically says: "We request the HONOR of your presence and your presents (by virtue of "We're Registered ..." cards), but your children's presence is not welcome." It's just plain rude and the complete opposite of classy}.
5. Understand that children are a blessing. Just because you don't see them as such, doesn't negate the truth that they are.
I also have some thoughts for parents:
1. People don't love your children as much as you do. And that's okay.
2. Understand your child's development. If you haven't yet figured out how to stop your two-year-old from stripping naked after spilling milk down his shirt or having melt-downs after 7 p.m., don't take them to an upscale restaurant. Make sure you expect and teach your children to have good table manners at home, so they'll transfer that to public. Even though, I am culprit to living differently at home a lot of the time, it's a good idea to not teach "public" versus "private" behavior - obviously, bathroom behavior is an exception.
3. Even the best behaved children have moments that make you want to crawl under your seat. It's okay. Just calmly remove them from the room and ignore all the people who treat you like a sub-par human.
4. Don't over-react when people don't include your children in a function - just send your RSVP back with a decline. Find friends who cherish their relationship with you and cherish your children. And sometimes, initiate dates with your friends that don't include your children! Just like your husband wants your undivided attention at times, so do your friends.
5. Understand that your children are a blessing. Just because people don't always treat them as such, doesn't negate the truth that they are! Psalm 127:3-5a :)
Very nicely written, Kendra. I completely agree.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, girl!
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I think it's perfectly reasonable to have child-free places and events. People tend to take things too personally. Even now that I have a little one (probably more so now that I have a little one!) I can see why there should be places and events that are adult-only. It's not like people and places are out to offend and often they don't realize they are (back to the taking things personally) - they just want to offer or enjoy some time of their own with peace, quiet, and a chance not to have extra stress from the always possible child-out-of-control moments. It's not an attack on the parents, it's a preference. A preference that those with children should respect and realize isn't an affront on their parenting skills or their kids.
ReplyDeleteHere is why I am opposed to child free weddings in exception to everything else: 1. The couple excludes one spouse for people who live out-of-town. 2. The couple expects a gift, which is financial hardship for some people and then asks families to endure an extra financial hardship to pay for childcare (which can easily cost $100 or more depending on the length of the day). I really feel like some couples are really disrespectful, in general, when it comes to the cost their wedding for their guests! 3. You hurt older children's feelings in some cases. There are more reasons, but those are my top 3. Marriage is a big deal, and if you really want to honor your guests, make it so they can come! And like I said, if you don't want kids interrupting, provide childcare services. (Most people would rather pay for their own sitter than use someone they don't know, but this is respectful and inclusive of families from out-of-town, those who really can't afford the caregiver, and breastfeeding mama's or mama's in general who like to keep their kids close). From personal perspective, it is very painful to have to miss a wedding of a close friend because their decisions weren't respectful of finances or family.
ReplyDeleteAll other events, I am okay with kid-free decisions. But, hosts should still think through their decisions. Recently, I chose to skip a baby shower for a family friend. She chose to not invite children and I knew her choice would hurt Evelyn's (in particular) feelings. They have always been close and Evelyn is old enough to understand that she was left out. It was my choice, but pretty much every time I'll choose to protect my kiddos feelings.
As for restaurants and such, I wasn't really speaking to the owner of the restaurant. That was his decision to make. Although, I did feel he was rude to some of his loyal customers and could have made accommodations (separate room?, no kids after 7?, etc) rather than basically kicking them out simply because they had children. But, my beef is more with childless couples/singles who think they have the right to determine when and where we take our children. Just because a restaurant has white linen table clothes doesn't mean I can't take my kids because they want a quiet meal. I mean, some of the comments on Facebook were really insulting, basically people feeling the need to tell us to stay home because we have kids! In reality, people wanting to be away from children can: stay home, eat in the bar area, go to a restaurant that doesn't allow kids, choose a higher-end place where most families can't afford, etc.