Feed Your Kids a Four Course Meal?

So I see a lot of posts from moms are hear moms talk about their kids' disconcerting eating habits. I'm actually pretty intentional about what I feed my children for lunch. It's part of our school day and so I think lunch should be a learning experience too. So I thought I would share how I get my kids to eat all the food groups. I feed them a four course meal! We usually eat breakfast around 9:30, so by the time my children sit down to lunch at 12:30, they're pretty hungry. (And we don't snack in between). At this point, they'll eat just about anything, so I start with the food they need the most of but eat the least of: veggies! I usually just do a raw veggie tray. I'll sit it on the table (with ranch) and they scarf up those veggies while I make the rest of lunch. Here's where I give them their diary, protein, and grains. Today we had popcorn and cottage cheese (good protein too), a lot of times we'll have pb&j and yogurt, sometimes cheese quesadillas or left-overs. After they eat that for five minutes or so, I'll put fruit on the table. If they're still hungry, I'll let them have a dessert; today it was hot chocolate.

Home Schooling and Happy Accidents

Time to write has escaped me lately. It would be tempting to blame it on a newborn, but in actuality we're four weeks into our school year. I should be wakening the girls as I type, but seeing how the little man has already gone back down for a morning nap and the girls are induced to sleep by the overcast morning, I'll write. Too bad I'm not a coffee drinker; I think this would be the perfect time for a cup.

Lately, I've been challenging myself. I'm working on developing a philosophy of education and a mission statement for our little school at home. Part of my desire is to instill in my children a life-time love of learning and an appetite for exploration. I am aware that my children will look to me for example. The old adage of "Do what I say, not what I do" doesn't work. So if I want my children to love learning well into their adult years and explore new areas to grow, I must be willing to go there myself. I have found that change often comes in small intentional steps toward a larger goal. So I have set baby goals for myself to become the person I want my children to mirror.

I wrote before about my attempts to maintain a tidy house - a real struggle for me. It's working nicely. I made a new "rule" recently that whenever I bring a big box into the house, it will leave full of "stuff" to send to Good Will. You'd be surprised how easy it is to do! That's a domestic step. I also have been trying to read at least one book a month. To some of you that may not seem like a lot, but when you have four small children, it can be a challenge! Most of the books have been on home education, but I have snuck one in on running a small business. That's an intellectual step. I've also started taking a ballet class! I am an introverted person, so going to a ballet class (when I've never taken one in my life) with a room full of people I've never met before was a real challenge for me. I love physical activity, so that part was not an issue. The girls were so excited when I got home so I could show them what I learned! (Something, I often ask them to do for me). It also gave me a guaranteed hour a week to work-out. So that was a physical and emotional step. I think you're getting the idea. Have you taken any small steps lately?

One thing I'm still exploring is a teaching style that works for me. Last year I tried a canned curriculum. I failed miserably! I hated it and was bored out of my mind! This year, with the guidance of books on home education, I'm doing my own thing. It's working so much better for me because I can challenge myself at the same time I challenge them. Yesterday, we had a happy accident. Some time ago, I decided to do a unit study on Guatemala and Compassion International because Evelyn took a real interest in learning about the children we sponsor in that country. I ordered several "living" books that are either about Guatemala or are based there, one was called Abuela's Weave. The girls have also been selling lemonade with my mom at the farmers' market to learn about money. Evelyn has been wanting to also sell a "real" product, so at the recommendation of friends we went to Crafts2000 this weekend and bought materials to make pot holders. Yesterday, we sat down and read Abuela's Weave, which turned out to be a story about a little girl who weaved garments with her grandmother and took them to market to sell! So of course, directly after reading that, I got out the pot holder materials to weave. As if that weren't coincidental enough, a few minutes in, my mom knocked at the door and sat down a weaved a pot holder with them! It was definitely a happy home school moment!

Clutter Control

I have never been one to mind clutter. Sure, I much prefer a tidy house, but it just was never high on my priority list. {Enter three, almost four, young children}. Life changes change your perspective. There were times this past winter where I felt like my life was raging out of control. The fall previous I was overly busy with working two part-time jobs, traveling a good deal, and taking care of the girls, so things just got backed up and instead of really cleaning I established clutter collection locations. You know, those spots in your home that tend to gather all the items that don't "go" anywhere else. Things just spiraled out of control from there. Within a month's time, one of my jobs was eliminated, I took a job coaching 7th grade basketball, I found out I was pregnant, almost caved to exhaustion, and then quit my other part-time job. This all took place while Richard was going to school full-time and working full-time. And through all of that, guilt consumed me because I was supposed to be homeschooling. I did manage to keep myself so busy, I didn't have time to get too depressed.

Once Spring rolled around, I found myself in a second trimester rebound and a first-time solely stay-at-home mom. That little pep in my step helped me get a grip on my priorities. One of the first things I discovered was that the condition of the house was a major distraction for me when it came to homeschooling. I have read some on this topic and I've heard two opposing views:
1. You have to accept that your house won't be clean during these years, and ignore it.
2. You have to get rid of the clutter in your house or it will distract you.

For me, number one was not an option. It just wasn't working. I couldn't focus on the girls when there were literally hundreds of other projects screaming my name, demanding my attention as well. So since Evelyn was not technically in school yet and advanced for her age, I decided to set aside homeschooling for the spring and focus on getting our house in order, so we could start fresh for her kindergarten year. So here are ten things I've done to keep clutter under control.

1. High shelves. I almost drove Richard crazy with the number of shelves I added to our house this Spring. Some of them were just for me to put items on that didn't currently have a home, but I added some in the girls' room where I placed all of their toys that had small pieces. I can't even begin to explain how much this has helped! And will help once I have a crawling infant here in a few months.

2. A Storage Shed. We bought ours and put it on our property, but I know you can rent these as well. Our house is just so tiny, I needed a place to store things that just didn't fit, like our Christmas tree, camping gear, books that we want to put on our big old living room book shelves one day, etc. We actually killed 3 birds with one stone on this one. I got a shed with a loft to store all our totes. I divided the bottom of the shed, so we could keep our grill, bikes, and Power Wheels in one half and made a play house in the back half for the girls. This enabled me to get their toy kitchen out of their tiny bedroom. And honestly, they play with it more out there.

3. Purge. I made it a goal to get rid of at least 15 garbage bags of "stuff." I thought this would be a painful process, but let me tell you, it felt great! I now keep a "Goodwill" box in my utility room, so hopefully, I don't get to that point again.

4. Minimize Clothing. Part of the purge was getting rid of tons of clothing!

5. Accountable Kids. I've written a lot about this, but it's a lot easier to keep your house free of clutter when everyone in your house shares responsibility. We took a break from AK in June because we were traveling a lot, but as of right now it has taught all the girls how to get themselves ready in the morning and for bed. Can't even begin to explain the weight this has taken from my shoulders. We'll start back up on Monday.

6. Accountable Adults? I'm going to call it Same Page Partnering. I could write an entire post on this one topic, but for now, I'll try to be brief. AK was working so well for us, I decided to make an AA board for me and Richard. I just started working on this yesterday, so I'm sure I will write a follow-up post. But, as you can see from the picture it's the same concept, without the rewards. Well, the reward is harmony in our marriage. Sometimes Richard is so busy he doesn't have time to help me. Other times he's oblivious to the fact that I have a mental to-do list constantly running through my mind, and he hasn't figured out how to read it yet. (Wink). I created 3 categories: daily tasks (red), weekly tasks (green), and at-least-monthly tasks (brown). I was worried he would think that I was treating him like a little kid by doing this, but he actually chuckled when I explained it to him. I said that these were the household chores that I would try to get done while he was at work. He could come home from work, see how many were flipped over, and quickly judge how well my day went! It also let's him know what needs done without me being a nag.

7. The Clutter Basket. I have actually established a clutter collection location, but it's a basket, with a handle, that is meant to be carried around the house so clutter can be put away. When I'm quickly cleaning up the house, I throw smaller items into the basket. When the basket gets full, I carry it around the house and put those things away. I also use it when I'm cleaning I don't have to make as many trips throughout the house. It saves steps, time, and helps keep things tidy.

8. Labels. This is so when people help me clean, be it Richard or anyone else, they can help keep toys and school supplies sorted properly. Sort your toys, your kids won't play with them otherwise.

9. DVD Cases. We bought a DVD storage case at Target and got rid a lot of the cases. (85 to be exact). It cost $15. That is close to the best $15 I have ever spent. I'm not lying.

10. Daily Kitchen Cleaning. We homeschool in our kitchen, so this is my focus room to keep clean. The other rooms I try to clean weekly.

I'm anxious to see how these steps will work in the winter. It has always been easier for me to keep my house clean in the summer because we are away from home a lot more and the girls play outside a lot. Some of them, however, I implemented during our very wet, rainy Spring and they worked then, so I'm optimistic. Any additional tips?

Happy 8 Year Anniversary to Us!

Richard and I have been married 8 years to the day! I thought I would reflect on it for a minute. The May of 2003, it rained every day except for 5 days. Our wedding day wasn't one of them, but God held off the rain until after 10 p.m. that day, so it was none-the-less, a beautiful day: 70 degrees with white fluffy clouds and blue skies! Which was important, considering we were getting married in my parents front yard, and our back-up plans weren't nearly as picturesque. I think our wedding reflected our personalities: young, care-free, budget conscious but not overly cheap, and mostly, fun! The last thing in the world that I wanted was stuffy affair, the way I looked at weddings (and still do) is that the marriage ceremony is about the bride and groom, but the reception, is about celebrating! Not just celebrating the marriage, but it is about celebrating all the people who helped make the marriage possible, from parents and siblings to aunts and uncles to mentors and coaches to our lovely friends. We loved them all so much and we wanted to celebrate their influence in our life as much as our new marriage. So there was dinner and music and dancing, but there were also horse shoes, and croquet, and Bocce, and even an inflatable bounce house and joust. There was alcohol and cake and cookies too! A lot of people were drunk that day, but we weren't. There was really no need for it! We were so happy! One of the things that I love about our wedding pictures is that we're smiling, quite naturally, in every one. I loved our photographer so much; she understood that it wasn't about her, but was about capturing memories. She stayed until late in the evening (and we had a 1:30 p.m. ceremony, so she was there at some point in the morning). We took portrait shots, but we didn't pose the other shots, like the toast and the cake cutting. It was a hallmark party! As a matter of fact, we left at some point in the evening and party kept going on without us! Rumor has it that some people were there until the wee hours of the morning. My mom will tell you that the day was shy of perfection because she forgot the crackers for the meat and cheese tray, but we didn't care! It was a great day!

Obviously, this is irrational, but one thing that makes me sad is that our friends whom we met and who have influenced our lives since our wedding date, weren't there. They are so important to who we are today, 8 years later, and it just seems like they should have been there that day! So I'm thinking a huge party is in order on some anniversary date, so they can be there, and we can celebrate them too!

I just read an interesting article lately about how the divorce rate in the United States in shrinking! Yep, that's right! Since 1996, divorce rates in the United States have gone down. However, not for every demographic, divorce rates have stayed the same or even increased for those people who have not continued their education beyond high school. I think that's a blunt statement. For example, I think Richard's Navy experience helped him mature just as much as my college experience helped me. But regardless, I get it. In college, I majored in psychology. I have yet to work in a field that actually requires that particular degree, but I think it has contributed a lot to my understanding of people. Couple my degree with everything my mom taught me in her years and years of fostering, my natural inclination toward analyzing people (I call it perception), and my years of studying relationships so I can teach teenagers about them, you have a person that gets people. I'd be amiss if I concluded that all of that hasn't contributed to my marriage. (There have been times in our marriage where Richard hasn't been too fond of my degree. And let's face it, dudes don't usually over-analyze things. So, I'll want to get to the bottom of an issue in our marriage, and he'll be like, "stop psycho-analyzing me." Haha... that's a total detour from my point).

Back to college, and it's influence on our marriage. My favorite psychology class I ever took was Social Psychology. There was a chapter on marriage, and I remember this diagram, very clearly, (but not whose theory it was)...

It was a triangle. At each point there was a word: commitment, passion, and friendship. The theory was that a healthy marriage was one that sat right in the middle of the triangle, and if the point of balance shifted in a particular direction, that influenced the marriage. Some examples:

-If a marriage or relationship was based solely on passion (and by passion, you know what I mean), the relationship would dissipate when the passion faded, as it always does at some point.
-If the marriage was based solely on commitment, it would be an empty, dissatisfying marriage. I think you see this imbalance result in "older" divorces, when the commitment can't hold on any longer.
-If the marriage was based solely on friendship, it could be rewarding for a time and the couple may be happy, but could be vulnerable to affairs.
-Omit passion, and the relationship can be healthy for a time, but the lack of intimacy can interfere over extended periods of time.
-Omit friendship, (hmmm - I can't remember this one, but I can envision those relationships that break-up and get back together over and over again)!
-Omit commitment, and you'll have a healthy and happy relationship until conflict arises, and eventually divorce will occur once the conflict interferes with the friendship and passion.

So, over our 8 years, we've tried to keep our triangle centered. Richard and I have always quite naturally been friends. We have a lot in common: our love for Jesus, family, friends, music, laughter, and fun! But we do try to conscious about spending time as just the two of us and finding ways to invest in our friendship. I have to give Richard props for recognizing pretty early on that playing video games and watching television were not valuable ways to strengthen our friendship! :)

The passion point, well, we have 3 almost 4 kids, spent almost 3 years living with my parents, and have been living in a two-bedroom house for the last 3 years, so I'm not going to pretend like that's always been perfect! But, we try! Funny side story: one thing we do at camp a lot, is let the kids ask us questions. Well, a few summers ago Kayla and I were answering questions from a group of boys regarding girls. One of the boys asked me, point blank, "You know in the sitcoms, how after you're married for a few years and have a few kids, you don't have sex anymore. Is that true?" Hahaha. Junior high boys. Let's just say part of the reason why Everybody Loves Raymond was so funny, was because it was so true! (By the way, that was a completely valid question, and I tried to answer it the best I could without being inappropriate).

And commitment, I think what's important about that one is not seeing it as a commitment to not get divorced, but seeing it as a commitment to remain in a love-filled marriage. When you take your wedding vows, you make a promise to do certain things - not, not do certain things. I have to say that when we've gone through trying times, it was a our commitment to remaining in love that carried us through, more so, than our commitment to not getting divorced.

Now, mind you, I have probably shared all this with Richard at some point, and he probably doesn't remember! So, while I tend to more consciously think about the triangle, he probably thinks: "Friendship. Yep. That's good. Sex. Yep. That's good. Keeping our marriage happy by keeping Kendra happy. Yep. That's good." ;-)

I love you, Richard! So, so glad we chose each other!

The Favorite Game

My mom just stopped and picked up the girls for what will presumably be a few hours. And I feel stress melting off my shoulders like hot wax drips from the tip of the just lit candle. I could use the time to dive into some more cleaning/baby prep work that needs done; after all, the crib is starting to overflow with unfolded laundry, winter coats that need put away, and summer clothes that have yet to be properly swapped with their winter counterparts. D day is plus or minus 11 weeks. I have decided instead to make myself a chai and indulge in some "me time." My week has been on the stressful side and writing helps me process.

I purposely don't write things about my family that are specifically negative. Not to be unauthentic, but because I wouldn't be happy if someone decided to pick up a pen and write about my nasty side, so I'll pay the same respect due to them. But nasty sides we do have. In particular, I've been dealing with specific behavior issues with one of my children that have me questioning my parenting - both present and future. You start to wonder how many days you can endure before the tumult will subside. It's times like this that I'm thankful that I have a supportive husband and friends who can offer me fresh perspective when mine is tapped out.

I've been spending some time preparing for camp. (A friend of mine and I direct a week long summer camp for 9-12th graders. I'm so glad I'm still doing it! When I lost my job in youth ministry, I felt like I was giving up a part of myself, but fortunately, this is enough to feed that part of my soul when my life phase is leading me somewhere else). We've decided to focus on the books of Genesis and John, with the afternoon Bible studies focusing on gender based case studies from Genesis. Genesis is probably my favorite book of the Bible, and I'm excited that I get to use the next month to study it a little more in depth. For me, it's like entering into a Bond of Ancient Sisterhood. I'm not sure how anyone could read from it and consider the most ancient Biblical records antiquated. The stories that unfold read like a rip off from a Jerry Springer show:

A good woman gets caught up with a snake of man and lead down the wrong path.
A socialite desperate to have a child prompts her maid to surrogate for her, but then things turn a nasty as jealousy rears its angry head.
A mother who favors one son over the other to compensate for an ill bond between father and son.
Two sisters fighting desperately for the love of one man.
A woman ignored by her husband tries to seduce the "pool" boy only to get shot down.

I love Genesis and all its soap opera-y goodness. But perhaps the reason I love it the most is because I can relate to these women! I relate to lure of temptation and sin. I relate to the woman desperate to have what others take for granted, who would manipulate her husband to have her way. And recently, I've really been thinking about Rebecca.

I love how the author of Genesis makes no excuses for the fact that Rebecca favored Jacob. He was certainly a mama's boy and obviously he needed some extra loving since all Isaac did was brag about Esau's mad hunting skills (I totally exaggerated this, but you can totally see this taking place today)! Besides, who doesn't love a man who can cook? Ultimately, she and Jacob concocted a plan for Jacob to steal Esau's inheritance by pooling the wool, or should I say goat skin, over Isaac's eyes.

This is pretty devious and I sincerely can't imagine pitting my children against one another like that, but I'm not going to be too harsh a judge. I mean her sons were the grandchildren of Abraham - the heirs of the God's covenant. Maybe she really just thought Jacob would do a better a job, but then again probably not. She was probably just like millions of other moms who for whatever reason connect better to one child over another.

One thing that has really surprised me over the years is the number of moms who will actually admit to having a favorite child. Or even more commonly an almost dislike of a particular child with whom her personality clashes. I'm not saying she doesn't love her kid - just that their relationship would possibly function better long distance. Seriously, catch a mom on an off day, and she'll tell you about how much one of her kids just digs at her skin. (What I find amusing is it's usually the child who is most like her)!

I know you're now expecting me to confess that I have a favorite or that one of my kids drives me crazy! Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not there yet! Mostly because the Bond of Ancient Sisterhood reminds me of the dangers (sibling rivalry, marital discord, etc.). However, while there are things about all my kids' personalities that I adore, there are also things that drive me batty! (And yes, I have noticed that the things that drive me batty may be similar to my own personal pit falls). And, I certainly go through phases where the negatives stand out more than the positives. Case in point, this past week.

Here are some things I try to do to help me battle negative feelings toward one of my children:
1. Remind myself that her feelings matter! (Is it possible that we're not getting along because of something I've done or am doing)?
2. Spend solo time with her where she chooses the activity. It's easy for children to feel like they have no control. Obviously, kids need to respect parental authority, but everyone needs a little autonomy. And every successful relationship takes time to maintain. Do you feel better about your husband after a date night? This works for kids too.
3. Write down a list of 10 things you adore about her. In the heat of the moment, this can actually be a high challenge! But it will change your perspective!

Do you have any tips for battling animosity toward your kids?

Accountable Kids

This past week, Richard and I started a new program with the girls called Accountable Kids (www.accountablekids.com). (Thanks Audrey)! I decided to keep a journal of our progress with it. You may find this boring, but if you have small children (or older children who struggle with handling responsibility) and feel overwhelmed by the task of managing your home, you may want to read it. [I have to admit it feels a little bit like a slap in the face that I spent $115 on this program (for 3 kids) when it's obvious an exceptional mom could accomplish this on her own, but considering my own mediocrity, I have decided it was worth every penny]!

Week #1 in review: I've had the AK program in my hands for a complete week now, and I'm loving it! This morning, I did have a teary moment. Riley, who normally allows me do everything for her, was going through her chores and brushed her hair on her own. She did a good job too! I think it mainly made me sad because one of things I most looked forward to in having little girls was fixing their hair!

Here are the Top 10 Things that I like about Accountable Kids after the first week:
1. Feeling like we have a team in our house by dividing responsibility.
2. I've been yelling less (an issue for me). Taking away the tickets usually stops bad behavior quickly.
3. A cleaner house.
4. Accountability for myself. When the kids see clearly the chores, rules and schedule displayed on the wall, they motivate me to keep my end of the deal.
5. Easing a sense of entitlement. My five year old was quickly developing an entitlement attitude. I have seen that weaken this week.
6. Greater communication with Richard. Richard and I have very different parenting styles. But having the expectations laid out in plain sight has increased our ability to parent on the same page.
7. A successful week of school! For the first time since probably August, we did an entire week of school! I'm so proud of us. (I should point out that in addition to starting AK, we also switched curriculums and started a new scheduling format concurrently).
8. Lessening of guilt. I carry around a lot of guilt about how little I accomplish throughout my days. I'm not sure it's whether it's that I've been accomplishing more or that we have divided the responsibility regarding the home, but I've felt much less guilty.
9. Feeling accomplished!
10. More free time to just spend with my girlies. :)

Since I'm starting this journal late, I'm doing the first 6 days in a lump.

Day #7 (Wednesday): Today is going well. We're observing quiet time now and since we don't have more rooms in our house than people that has been translating as DNDM time: Do Not Disturb Mom. The girls have the option of playing quietly in their bedroom or the living room, either playing with toys or coloring or looking at books. No movies. Evelyn has actually been choosing school related activities most days: reading, workbooks, and today she is doing puzzles. This excites me that she is taking some responsibility for her own education already. I have been spending quiet times in my room with at least 15 minutes reserved for napping on my left side. (I am not looking forward to 90 degree days in July - my edema is already starting to kick in gear).

This morning I got up at 8 am which is ideal for me. My days always run smoother when I get up on time. I made a schedule to follow that is shaped like a clock. It works well for the girls but also well for my spatial oriented brain. I am hoping to get a special clock made that works with the schedule so it actually has a dial. For now it looks like this:

Getting up at 8 am gives me a full two-hours to do MY MORNING CORE CHORES: personal care, breakfast, dishes, start laundry, devotional time, and I enjoy reading the news. It takes me that much time to get all that done and help the girls complete their morning core chores. I am extremely surprised that school is going so well. I wasn't even planning on putting school into our AK program until next week, but things have been going so smoothly, I decided to start on Monday. We have spent at least 1 hour and 30 minutes a day on school for the last three days. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it is a HUGE accomplishment for us! And it's more hours than we've logged in months! (I have to give partial credit to switching to new curriculums, but more on that in another post).

Day #5 and 6 (Monday and Tuesday): Monday was our first real day doing AK and it was without Richard. Evelyn woke up ready to challenge me, which is not uncommon for her; she is rather strong-willed. She managed to lose all her tickets - in part because she spends them hastily - but also because she lost some. A few times she replied, "I don't care!" but after she realized her next punishment would be a "Dora" long time-out (30 minutes), she got herself into gear. Overall, I'm pleased how well the program has been working with her and her behavior issues, in particular, her talking-back rather sassily.

On Tuesday, I slept in until almost 9 o'clock. We had a long Easter weekend, and I was beat. Evelyn and Gigi got up before me and when I made it out to the living room, they were watching a movie (a ticket activity). Because we're still new to the program and because that was previously acceptable behavior, I just decided to remind them that they needed to complete their morning chores before watching a movie. We paused it until the finished their morning chores.

On Tuesday evening, Gigi needed a ticket for an activity and she only had one! Gigi has tons of tickets because we still help her do her chores which are extremely basic and because she is a fairly compliant child who doesn't lose many. She even had some best behavior cards. I asked her where all her tickets went and she said, "I threw them away." And we think she really did because we haven't found them anywhere else! So while she is starting to get into the program, she doesn't grasp it fully yet!

Day #4: Easter Sunday! We took the day off.

Day #3: Saturday was our first full-day of doing the program! It went great! The girls loved it and were eager to participate. Even Gigi, who didn't quite get it on Friday, was all about it! It did not take her long at all to learn what each of the pictures represented. My guess is I'll be updating about Evelyn (who is 5, strong-willed and at times very non-compliant) and Gigi (who is 2 and actually too young for the program, but fairly advanced for her age and fairly compliant) the most. Riley is 4 and for the most part very compliant, so you probably won't hear about her as much.

I purposely decided to start the program on a day that Richard was home because I wanted him to reinforce the program. Especially for Evelyn who has been saying things to me like, "I don't want to." "That's your job." "You're mean." "You hate me." "That's not fair." etc, etc. Yes, she is tween-drama-queen already. I also wanted Richard to see that keeping this house in working order would require a team effort. I simply cannot keep up with being a teacher, ministry volunteer, mother, and wife all while being pregnant. We transformed the title of maid to Team Kendle. At the end of the day, I was sooo relieved with how the house looked! Yes! It wasn't trashed! Everyone was taking responsibility for themselves. I also loved how it took responsibility from me. Day after day, I was used to feeling so defeated about the condition of our house - like a failure. Now when we fail, we fail as a team. Instead of being seen as the b@#*% who harped on everyone all day to pick after themselves, I was being seen as just another member of the team. It felt great.

Day #2: I introduced the program to the girls. We decorated and hung up their boards and practiced the program for the rest of the day. It was new and fun and the girls enjoyed it.

Day #1: AK arrived in the mail on Thursday! I was so excited! I prepped the program and sped-read through the book. I decided to follow the book and do the steps in order so we only started Step 1, which is basically core chores, tickets, and disciplining with tickets. The girls' core chores are still pretty basic: get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, and fix hair. In the morning, Riley is responsible for helping me clear the breakfast table and do dishes and Evelyn is to make their bed. In the afternoon, Evelyn and Riley are to fold and put away their laundry and after dinner, help clear the table. In the evening they all have: bath, brush teeth, pajamas, pick up clothes, and pick up toys. I even made a little chart for their ticket privileges as well as a chart for how they would lose tickets.

Small, Meet Tall, Part III

10 Reasons I like Living in a Small House (in no particular order):

1. Less rooms to clean.
2. Forced organizational skills.
3. Lots of family togethernerss.
4. Lessens the temptation to buy junk.
5. Costs less to heat and cool.
6. Cheaper rent or mortgage payments.
7. Faster to clean.
8. Lower property taxes.
9. Forced creativity.
10. Ability to hear your children getting in trouble. :)

Small, Meet Tall

We live in a society that tells us having a bigger car, bigger house, bigger paycheck, and bigger debt is the way to go. This summer I will turn 30, and it is my dream, and my husband's and my goal to be debt free before then. For the past five years, I have worked part-time jobs never making more than $13,000 a year. My position was recently cut at one position and after finding out I was preggo with #4, I decided to quit my adjunct teaching job at a small community college. My husband works full-time at a descent middle class job and goes to school full-time collecting GIbill payments which makes it like a second job. So as you can see, we're not rich, but we're not poor either - we just work hard and take advantage of good opportunities, attempting to put the needs of our family first.

But even then I bet you're thinking, "DEBT FREE?!" Yep. We buy used vehicles and only own one. Richard has a company vehicle for work purposes only, so I'm not stranded when he's at work. Although, this is the real kicker, we live in a 950 square foot, 2 bedroom basement apartment that we built on land my parents gave us. It's finished and has at least one window in every room, so it doesn't really feel like a basement on the inside, just a small apartment. The outside has been compared to a bomb shelter. We actually don't live on "that" tight of a budget; although, we aren't big, happy-go-lucky spenders either. And, we never buy something that we don't have the cash to pay for. Here in a few short months, we will no longer have a mortgage payment and we'll start saving to build the top of our home. That feels great! Absolutely great!

I also know a lot of you are thinking, "I COULD NEVER LIVE IN A HOUSE THAT SMALL!" I'll write some follow-up posts soon about why I love my small house and some tips for living in one. Who knows? Maybe you'll decide to start living tall by going small.

What Motivates You?

Recently, I've been a little bit consumed with the notion of love languages. Gary Chapman proposed the idea in his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. While I haven't read the book, the concept seems pretty clear cut: not everyone feels loved the same way. This may explain why once, when Richard and I were dating and he was making squat working at a Christian summer camp, I got angry with him when he spent almost an entire pay check buying me 2 dozen roses! Gifts is not my love language. I found this little survey online that helps you determine your love language: click here. Before I took it I was convinced that my love language was Acts of Service, but on this quiz I got Quality Time. My guess is I'm bi-lingual in language of love because I love, love, love it when Richard helps me around the house, or gives the girls a bath, or gives me a massage, or even brushes my hair. Those last two could also count as quality time and physical touch, so that explains why I really love them!

I've been really unmotivated recently. I'm tired. I haven't been sleeping well due to a bunch of crazy dreams that wake me up. I told Richard that I feel like I'm watching movies all. night. long. Yesterday, I also laid off the caffeine because I'm pretty sure it contributes to the dreams. (I could write a series of posts on how severely caffeine effects me)! Furthermore, life is in a high gear phase for us. Richard's band, Affix, has been going full-force. He's also working full-time and a full-time student online. So while I support all that he is doing, you can rightly assume that he doesn't really have time to make me feel loved in the ways that really work for me!

Needless to say, my nifty schedule that I made has not been going according to plan. The problem with being a stay-at-home-mom is there aren't a whole lot of serious consequences for slacking, but there also aren't a whole lot of rewards for excelling either. Why clean when for one, it will be dirty again the next day, and two, I don't have the energy to get it all clean? My guess is some women love a clean house enough that it is motivation alone. And it might be motivation for me as well, if I could get it all done in one day, and it would stay that way for more than a few hours! I homeschool the girls, but right now, they are only in pre-school, and either advanced or on target for their ages. Sure, teaching Evelyn to read is important, but it's not going to hurt her to miss a day here and there. The one thing I have been managing to stay on top of is laundry, but it's draining to do it day-in and day-out. I don't want to make it seem like I'm complaining, I'm just pointing out that I NEED something to motivate me! Where's the beef?

So yesterday, the girls went back to visit my mom, and I had the afternoon free. I really wanted to spend a lot of time cleaning, but I was sooooo tired. So I hashed through some ideas for rewarding myself: I ruled out a bubble bath with a good book because our tub really isn't that comfortable and the water only covers half of me, and I also decided not to use food since I've been lacking major self-control on this issue anyway, and don't need any extra calories. I also don't have any hobbies I love well enough to use as a reward either (not this time of year anyway). Then I had a brilliant idea! I asked Richard if he would give me a 20-minute massage as my reward for cleaning for two hours! He loved the idea. Not really, but he went for it with the addition of going out to dinner and making it a date.

Cleaning was still drudgery. It literally took me 3 and 1/2 hours to do 2 hours of cleaning. I finished just minutes before Richard got home from work. But it worked! And consequently, I enjoyed my house a lot more today.

So, what motivates you?

To Schedule or Not to Schedule

I have never been a scheduler. My husband plays in an independent Christian rock band and I did youth ministry for several years during my own children's youngest ages. It just never made much sense to schedule naps, bedtimes, feedings, etc. when we were always on on the go, sometimes at a youth event or concert til the wee-hours of the morning. I wanted my kids to be flexible because it fit our life. Well, now (paid) youth ministry is behind me. The girls and I seldom go to concerts because now they're several hours away and it's just easier for me to stay than travel with 3 young children. My 5 and almost 4 year old girls are going to start more formal homeschooling. All of my girls have outgrown naps. And, I have a 4th baby on the way.

Recently, my free lifestyle has felt more like a prison, eveloped in feelings of frustration, defeat, and exhaustion (in part due to the pregnancy). Things just were not getting done. The house was (still partially is) a mess. The girls weren't getting schooled. And as I type this well into the month of February, our Christmas tree is sitting in the corner, taunting me (it is undecorated). Let's not even mention self-care: Bible study, prayer time, exercising ... have all gone by the wayside.

So, I will schedule. I've tried schedules before, I really have. I'm not good at them. They don't fit my personality. I've tried simple to-do lists, complex grids, rotating chores. When I don't have a schedule, I tend to focus more on what I got done in a day. When I do have a schedule, it's hard for me to feel satisfaction when I see all the things I didn't get to. (I know, I know, save the lecture). So my goal is to somehow create a schedule the is A) realistic and B) fits everything in I need to accomplish. Hold the laughter. C'este La Vie.

Are you a scheduler? What kind do you use?

Decisions? Grit, Spit, and Duct Tape

I'm not good at making decisions. Hard decisions in particular, I put off for as long as possible hoping the decision will be made by circumstance rather than my own reasoning capabilities. I think I have a hard time balancing reason with my heart and what is potentially God's call.

That's all pretty deep considering I started this post out that way in order to say, I've been having a tough time deciding what to write about for my first post! The decision came to me while I overheard a line from a movie my children were watching, Madagascar 2. I've seen the movie enough to know exactly what was happening: the plane the penguins had made crashed and Alex the Lion, being his typical highly anxious self, exclaimed, "How are you going to fix it?" I love the penguin's response, "Grit, spit, and a whole lot of duct tape."

The penguin had a git-er-done mentality and was offering a far from perfect solution, none-the-less, it was one solution more than any else could concoct. I think in a lot of ways motherhood is like that. We're constantly expected to have solutions and yet sometimes the solution that works for us is far from what others may consider perfect. It starts with breastfeeding, sleeping arrangements, and health decisions, then carries over to schooling options, extracurriculars, and disciplining. And while my oldest is only five, I can't wait for the advice I'll get on dating, cell phones, internest usage, and so on!

I think that one area where I would not consider myself mediocre mother is in the area of concern for my children's future. I want them to be self-confident, productive adults who aren't afraid to challenge this world toward change, but I also want to protect them from snares that can entangle them. But more than any of that, I want them to know they are loved, loved by God, loved by me and their father. I am convinced that communicating that love will at times require some seemingly unconventional, imperfect solutions to life's toughest parenting problems. At times, it may even require grit, spit, and duct tape.