3 or More: Zachary's Birth Story

There is an old saying that goes sorta like this: one is like cake, two is three times as hard as one, and three or more is all the same. (I wish I could find the exact quote, but Google has failed me. However, you get the idea). I'm finding that to be fairly accurate. Of course, having a newborn is always challenging, but this is round four and I sorta got it down. Thankfully, Zach doesn't seem to have any issues: colic, reflux, etc. I've been spending the last 2 and 1/2 weeks snuggling my baby, giving the girls some love, and most importantly, trying to gradually slide into a schedule. I was not a scheduler with my first two, but I'm finding it to be really important to the home-school lifestyle. My hope is to do the bulk of our schooling during his nap times. Some days we run like a well-oiled machine and other days not so much, and I'm finding it all depends on how much sleep I get the night before! All around, we're doing great! No signs of post-partum depression. My energy levels are good. And, I recovered very nicely. Yay! Praise God!

I promised Zach's birth story as well, so here it is:

As many of you know we had planned a homebirth with #4. By the time I was 7 days late, I was afraid. My girls all weighed in above 8 pounds before my due date, so my first fear was that this baby was going to huge. I was afraid of Meconium again as we had that problem with #3 and the chances of it go up with post-due babies. And, I was mostly afraid about the baby's position. It was weird that I kept going into what was seemingly early labor with no signs of progressing. We knew the baby's head was down, but we were concerned that the contractions were pushing his head into my hip rather than my cervix, which would explain why I wasn't dilating past 4 centimeters.

I woke up on week 41, day 2, at 4:30 a.m. feeling like I had to go to the bathroom. I laid there for about an hour before I woke Richard up and asked him time my contractions. By 6 a.m., I was fairly confident that I was in labor, so I called my midwife and my mom. Fortunately, my dad was able to stay home from work until afternoon, so I planned for him to take the two older girls to their day camp and asked my aunt to watch the younger. At this point, everything was going great. By the time my midwife arrived I was 6 cm, and finally, finally, in active labor. I was still feeling good enough to walk around the house. My leg was really hurting me after a while, so I sat down on the birthing ball. When I tried to get up about 10 minutes later, I couldn't fully stand up. Once they finally got me in an up-right position, we checked the heartbeat (nice and strong). My midwife wanted to check me again, but I was still only 6-7 cm. She decided to break my water to get things moving. And, again, Meconium.

Insert me crying, blaming myself, and a scary ride to the hospital. My midwife was fairly confident that it was fresh Meconium because of the color, but there was a lot of it, which was a reason for real concern. When we got to the hospital around 8 to 8:30 a.m., they hooked me up to monitors, rinsed out my uterus with saline, and hooked me up to an I.V. and gave me antibiotics (ugh!). The baby's heart-rate was good and I was 7 cm.

It didn't take long for my contractions to greatly intensify (from painful but bearable to "I can't do this!"). Fortunately, the doctor where I went is good and also - for lack of a better term - tolerant. He let my midwife, her assistant, Richard and my mom all be present the entire time. I had plenty of coaching and support, and they really helped me to stay focused and work through the contractions. By 10:15 a.m., I felt ready to push. When the doctor checked though, I was still only 8.5 centimeters and the baby's head was not even engaged in the birth canal! (Further confirming my suspicions of an awkward position of the baby). At that point, he told me to start pushing. The first push was awkward because I didn't yet have the full "push instinct," and it probably didn't accomplish much. The doctor told me: I'm sensing you're a little hesitant, probably because you're afraid it's going to hurt. But once you get him down there, you're going to get pissed off and push like hell. (His words, not mine, and very accurate words they were). The second push - his head engaged - it hurt like hell - and I had him out of there in about 5 minutes. He was facing my right leg.

Richard said it was impressive.

When the doctor caught the baby he said, "that's a ten pounder!" (10 pounds 1 ounce, thank you very much)! I looked down and saw what I suspected on my poop stained little baby: boy anatomy! Richard announced "Zachary Richard is here!" My mom cried once she finally realized it was a boy because she was really hoping for a grandson. My dad and father-in-law came in the few minutes later and got to meet him. It was great! :)

The first question I asked the doctor was "How bad did I tear?" Let me just assure you of this: natural child-birth is awfully painful, but you have adrenaline and endorphins that get you through. When it's over. It's over. They give you some nice pain meds for the cramping that causes your uterus to shrink back up, but those last just a few days. Episiotomies suck - for weeks. Tears suck, but not as bad as an episiotomy. But let me just say, there is nothing like feeling back to your old self two days after having a baby when you don't have either! I have no idea how I didn't tear with a ten pound baby, but Richard says the doctor worked some magic.


They didn't get to give him to me right away because they had to suck the maconium out of his belly, and his first attempt at nursing didn't go too well because he was still having a little trouble breathing because he hadn't sneezed out all the gunk yet. But when they brought him back later, he nursed like a champ. My aunt brought Gigi to the hospital, and she was thrilled. My dad picked up the older two later, and they were so excited to have a little brother! We just spent the rest of the day resting and getting to know our little man. God is good!

False Alarm!

I sort of have 3-4 different posts swirling around in my brain and instead of taking the time to write them down, perhaps one day at a time, I've been OCDish about keeping my house clean because of our planned homebirth. {I would probably be obsessive about keeping the house clean even if I was doing a hospital birth because, seriously, who wants to come home with a new born to a house that needs cleaned and 3 other young children to attend}. But doing the homebirth, there is the added pressure of wanting a relaxing environment coupled with impending visitors.

Right now, however, my house is not clean, and I have very little energy to get it done. I was up half the night having contractions, so I told the girls to color while I took a nap this afternoon. That translates to coloring, painting, cutting, and apparently, making their own lunch. Sigh. At least, they let me get some sleep.

I guess that's a nice lead into a post about false alarm labor. I have had Braxton-Hicks contractions with all my girlies, but this is a new experience, where they actually proceed like early labor for a while as far as being consistent, and then quit. Last night, I was nearly certain I was in labor. They were regular and increasing in intensity throughout the day. I was simply waiting for the pain level to increase to call my midwife and my mom. They never did.

I would not consider myself an impatient person, and I did prepare myself for going late; even though, the odds were against it with #4. However, I had talked to enough moms with multiple children to know that it's not always the same. What I didn't prepare myself for was the emotional ups and downs of thinking I was in labor and then having nothing happen. In some ways, the first baby is blessing because you don't know what to expect, but at this point, I'm well aware of the impending pain. The only consolation is the hope that it goes a lot faster! So, when labor kicks in, so do the emotions. "I don't want to do this." "Let's just get it over with." "Think of the prize at the end." "I'll get to hold my baby!" "I wonder if it's a boy or girl?" "What on earth will I do with a boy?" "Am I sure I like those names?" "Oh crap, this is going to hurt." "I wonder how much Tylenol I can take because the cramps after Gigi were really bad?"

All of that excitement. Anxiety. Fear. Lack of sleep. Only to have to do it all over again.

My other two concerns that have been nagging me are the size of the baby (my girls were all 8,2 or more, 39 weeks and some days) and feeling stir-crazy. My midwife assured me today that I have plenty of room to push out a 9+pound baby, and she also told me not to feel like I have to stay home. The girls and I like to go during the summer! We spend most of the winter confined and summer is our fun time. But even if I thought I had the energy to take them somewhere, it's been way too hot. So today, we stayed home. If there is no baby tomorrow, I have decided we're going to the pool!

The other things I wanted to write about were home-schooling, Accountable Kids, budgeting, menu planning, and turning 30. But alas, I really do have to clean. {wink}.

Perception of Children

Several friends posted a news footage video on Facebook about a restaurant that banned children under 6; I thought I would share some thoughts. Of course, the parents group were talking about how ignorant it was, and the anti-children group were applauding the decision. When I just had Evelyn, I would have firmly been in the parents' corner, but now that I have three kids, I wouldn't mind having the option of going to a restaurant that was quieter. I enjoy nights out with my husband, kid-free. My thought is if the restaurant owner thinks he can maintain his business, it's his prerogative, but just a note to him: you'll tick parents (and grandparents and aunts and uncles and people who want children but don't yet) off, for good reason! I thought I would offer some middle ground thoughts.

If you back the restaurant owners decision, consider this:

1. It's a good thing that parents love their children. When children grow up in homes where there is not love, they grow up to be liars and cheaters, vindictive and self-serving, criminals and burdens to society. Don't negatively judge a parent for the loving their child - it's what God designed them to do and be.

2. Understand child development. I'm not asking anyone to take a psychology course, but in general understand that you can't expect the same behavior from a two-year-old that you can from even a four-year-old. Toddlers have an entire world at their fingertips that they have just begun to explore! They're natural curiosity for life should be inspiring, not annoying. A young child may want to explore a new restaurant with the same gusto that you would explore Pompeii.

3. Understand parents are embarrassed. When a child acts out in public, it's humiliating. There are - as the story clearly points out - people judging you. Most parents are trying their best to keep their children's natural curiosity under control, and they don't need evil stares from you to let them know they're doing a - mediocre - job.

4. Make accommodations. If you want to treat all people with love and respect, including parents, don't act like the fact that they have children is a handicap! You have no idea how much you will bless a parent's life by including them and their children in your life. But if you really can't get past the fact that kids annoy you, make accommodations. Own a restaurant? Have a separate family-friendly room. Want a classy wedding? Offer childcare services or make entertainment kits for the ceremony that include crayons and coloring books. {Major pet-peeve: Don't send someone a wedding invitation that basically says: "We request the HONOR of your presence and your presents (by virtue of "We're Registered ..." cards), but your children's presence is not welcome." It's just plain rude and the complete opposite of classy}.

5. Understand that children are a blessing. Just because you don't see them as such, doesn't negate the truth that they are.

I also have some thoughts for parents:

1. People don't love your children as much as you do. And that's okay.

2. Understand your child's development. If you haven't yet figured out how to stop your two-year-old from stripping naked after spilling milk down his shirt or having melt-downs after 7 p.m., don't take them to an upscale restaurant. Make sure you expect and teach your children to have good table manners at home, so they'll transfer that to public. Even though, I am culprit to living differently at home a lot of the time, it's a good idea to not teach "public" versus "private" behavior - obviously, bathroom behavior is an exception.

3. Even the best behaved children have moments that make you want to crawl under your seat. It's okay. Just calmly remove them from the room and ignore all the people who treat you like a sub-par human.

4. Don't over-react when people don't include your children in a function - just send your RSVP back with a decline. Find friends who cherish their relationship with you and cherish your children. And sometimes, initiate dates with your friends that don't include your children! Just like your husband wants your undivided attention at times, so do your friends.

5. Understand that your children are a blessing. Just because people don't always treat them as such, doesn't negate the truth that they are! Psalm 127:3-5a :)

What Freedom Means for a Mom of Young Children...

I thought on this Independence Day holiday it would be very appropriate to write about a topic that has been brewing in my mind for a long time: poop. As mothers of young children, we all long for our children to reach that point of independence, that time where we are freed from dealing with the daily ins and outs of changing diapers, washing diapers, disposing of diapers, cleaning underwear, wiping butts, etc. I'm fairly confident that if you're sad about potty training your kids you may have an emotional issue where you long for your children to remain overly dependent. I mean it could be something else: like your families poop doesn't stink, you want to baby your baby, or maybe you just haven't had enough kids yet.

I can assure you that after changing poopy diapers consecutively for 5 and 1/2 years, sometimes dealing with a toddler and infant at the same time, the idea of having a new, dependent baby makes me slightly sad. Sure those beginning poops are mustard yellow, barely smell, and those tiny little butts are beyond cute, but then after a few weeks, you wonder if the time will ever come that your child doesn't poop 14 times a day, and if your budget can survive buying that many diapers! This time I was blessed with having a nice, oh, 4 month break between diaper changing sessions; even though, my 2-year-old still wears diapers at night, she disposes of them on her own in the mornings. And it's only pee! But even with the hiatus, I still deal with poop on daily basis:

Sometimes my almost 6-year-old will ask me to help her. I tell her, "No, I deal with poop enough; you can do it." No room for babying there ...

My 4-year-old sits on the potty after she goes, screaming, "Moooooomy! Mooooooom! Mooooomy! I pooped!" I ignore her or tell her to hold on. {Insert tears}. "Moooooomy! Mooooooom! Mooooomy! I pooped! It's going to dry on my butt! Please don't let it dry on my butt!" I have never let poop dry on her butt, but I did tell her when I was trying to get her to wipe her own butt that it could happen. Bad idea. Now we have a poop-drying phobia.

Two-year-olds and poop are fun. Sincerely. If you don't laugh, you would break down in tears. I have potty-trained all my kids before they were 2 and 1/2 years old, but then it only gets more interesting. Our most frequent current thing is one of the girls coming in saying, "Mommy! Gigi pooped in the yard." Fun. Fun. Fun. We live on my parents farm, so there are lots of animals. I asked her why she thought it was okay to poop in the yard and she said, "Cayenne (the dog) does." We went through several episodes of this ... then it happened. By it, I mean the day she pooped repeatedly all over our walk. By the time I got her cleaned up, the sun had warmed it just enough that I one point I literally had to run away from it just prior to my gag reflex making puke spill all over the yard as well. She came up to me the other day and said, "It's okay to pee in the yard, but not poop." Whew. I think we're making progress. This is just a small snippet of having a potty-trained two-year-old, from emptying her own potty chair to pooping on the kitchen bench, things are always, always filled with poopy fun!

And, as if dealing with 3 kids isn't enough, you still have to deal with your own plumbing. Most of my pregnancy days are filled a conscious awareness of whether I'm eating the right foods, and drinking enough water to keep myself, you guessed it: pooping. And then, there is the never-ending saga of trying to find a moment, a slim fleeting moment where I can lock myself in the bathroom and go without someone interrupting me. As a mom there are certain phrases we hear ourselves repeat over and over again, and for me, one of them is, "Shut the door! I want to poop alone!"

You might think it ends there, but poop impacts your marriage as well. On days like today, when Richard is home, I let him deal with the butt wiping. But since today is Independence Day, I will also celebrate my own independence by letting him entertain the girls while I have some quality time in the bathroom! Let freedom ring!

Clutter Control

I have never been one to mind clutter. Sure, I much prefer a tidy house, but it just was never high on my priority list. {Enter three, almost four, young children}. Life changes change your perspective. There were times this past winter where I felt like my life was raging out of control. The fall previous I was overly busy with working two part-time jobs, traveling a good deal, and taking care of the girls, so things just got backed up and instead of really cleaning I established clutter collection locations. You know, those spots in your home that tend to gather all the items that don't "go" anywhere else. Things just spiraled out of control from there. Within a month's time, one of my jobs was eliminated, I took a job coaching 7th grade basketball, I found out I was pregnant, almost caved to exhaustion, and then quit my other part-time job. This all took place while Richard was going to school full-time and working full-time. And through all of that, guilt consumed me because I was supposed to be homeschooling. I did manage to keep myself so busy, I didn't have time to get too depressed.

Once Spring rolled around, I found myself in a second trimester rebound and a first-time solely stay-at-home mom. That little pep in my step helped me get a grip on my priorities. One of the first things I discovered was that the condition of the house was a major distraction for me when it came to homeschooling. I have read some on this topic and I've heard two opposing views:
1. You have to accept that your house won't be clean during these years, and ignore it.
2. You have to get rid of the clutter in your house or it will distract you.

For me, number one was not an option. It just wasn't working. I couldn't focus on the girls when there were literally hundreds of other projects screaming my name, demanding my attention as well. So since Evelyn was not technically in school yet and advanced for her age, I decided to set aside homeschooling for the spring and focus on getting our house in order, so we could start fresh for her kindergarten year. So here are ten things I've done to keep clutter under control.

1. High shelves. I almost drove Richard crazy with the number of shelves I added to our house this Spring. Some of them were just for me to put items on that didn't currently have a home, but I added some in the girls' room where I placed all of their toys that had small pieces. I can't even begin to explain how much this has helped! And will help once I have a crawling infant here in a few months.

2. A Storage Shed. We bought ours and put it on our property, but I know you can rent these as well. Our house is just so tiny, I needed a place to store things that just didn't fit, like our Christmas tree, camping gear, books that we want to put on our big old living room book shelves one day, etc. We actually killed 3 birds with one stone on this one. I got a shed with a loft to store all our totes. I divided the bottom of the shed, so we could keep our grill, bikes, and Power Wheels in one half and made a play house in the back half for the girls. This enabled me to get their toy kitchen out of their tiny bedroom. And honestly, they play with it more out there.

3. Purge. I made it a goal to get rid of at least 15 garbage bags of "stuff." I thought this would be a painful process, but let me tell you, it felt great! I now keep a "Goodwill" box in my utility room, so hopefully, I don't get to that point again.

4. Minimize Clothing. Part of the purge was getting rid of tons of clothing!

5. Accountable Kids. I've written a lot about this, but it's a lot easier to keep your house free of clutter when everyone in your house shares responsibility. We took a break from AK in June because we were traveling a lot, but as of right now it has taught all the girls how to get themselves ready in the morning and for bed. Can't even begin to explain the weight this has taken from my shoulders. We'll start back up on Monday.

6. Accountable Adults? I'm going to call it Same Page Partnering. I could write an entire post on this one topic, but for now, I'll try to be brief. AK was working so well for us, I decided to make an AA board for me and Richard. I just started working on this yesterday, so I'm sure I will write a follow-up post. But, as you can see from the picture it's the same concept, without the rewards. Well, the reward is harmony in our marriage. Sometimes Richard is so busy he doesn't have time to help me. Other times he's oblivious to the fact that I have a mental to-do list constantly running through my mind, and he hasn't figured out how to read it yet. (Wink). I created 3 categories: daily tasks (red), weekly tasks (green), and at-least-monthly tasks (brown). I was worried he would think that I was treating him like a little kid by doing this, but he actually chuckled when I explained it to him. I said that these were the household chores that I would try to get done while he was at work. He could come home from work, see how many were flipped over, and quickly judge how well my day went! It also let's him know what needs done without me being a nag.

7. The Clutter Basket. I have actually established a clutter collection location, but it's a basket, with a handle, that is meant to be carried around the house so clutter can be put away. When I'm quickly cleaning up the house, I throw smaller items into the basket. When the basket gets full, I carry it around the house and put those things away. I also use it when I'm cleaning I don't have to make as many trips throughout the house. It saves steps, time, and helps keep things tidy.

8. Labels. This is so when people help me clean, be it Richard or anyone else, they can help keep toys and school supplies sorted properly. Sort your toys, your kids won't play with them otherwise.

9. DVD Cases. We bought a DVD storage case at Target and got rid a lot of the cases. (85 to be exact). It cost $15. That is close to the best $15 I have ever spent. I'm not lying.

10. Daily Kitchen Cleaning. We homeschool in our kitchen, so this is my focus room to keep clean. The other rooms I try to clean weekly.

I'm anxious to see how these steps will work in the winter. It has always been easier for me to keep my house clean in the summer because we are away from home a lot more and the girls play outside a lot. Some of them, however, I implemented during our very wet, rainy Spring and they worked then, so I'm optimistic. Any additional tips?

An AK Success

On Saturday night, Gigi had a cold. She didn't sleep very well because her sinus drainage kept making her cough and at one point through the night she ran a slight fever. Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well either. So, at one point, early Sunday morning, when she woke me up yet again, I turned off the alarm. I figured if we woke up in time for church, we would go... If not, we wouldn't go. Well, I woke up 45 minutes before we needed to leave for church. Now, if it was just Richard and I that would be fine, but we have three kids under 6! In our former life, we would have never made it. However, I woke everyone up, explained that we had slept in and that if we were going to make it to church everyone would have to do their morning chores quickly. Not only were we not late, but we made it in time for announcements! I was so proud of my girls.

Happy 8 Year Anniversary to Us!

Richard and I have been married 8 years to the day! I thought I would reflect on it for a minute. The May of 2003, it rained every day except for 5 days. Our wedding day wasn't one of them, but God held off the rain until after 10 p.m. that day, so it was none-the-less, a beautiful day: 70 degrees with white fluffy clouds and blue skies! Which was important, considering we were getting married in my parents front yard, and our back-up plans weren't nearly as picturesque. I think our wedding reflected our personalities: young, care-free, budget conscious but not overly cheap, and mostly, fun! The last thing in the world that I wanted was stuffy affair, the way I looked at weddings (and still do) is that the marriage ceremony is about the bride and groom, but the reception, is about celebrating! Not just celebrating the marriage, but it is about celebrating all the people who helped make the marriage possible, from parents and siblings to aunts and uncles to mentors and coaches to our lovely friends. We loved them all so much and we wanted to celebrate their influence in our life as much as our new marriage. So there was dinner and music and dancing, but there were also horse shoes, and croquet, and Bocce, and even an inflatable bounce house and joust. There was alcohol and cake and cookies too! A lot of people were drunk that day, but we weren't. There was really no need for it! We were so happy! One of the things that I love about our wedding pictures is that we're smiling, quite naturally, in every one. I loved our photographer so much; she understood that it wasn't about her, but was about capturing memories. She stayed until late in the evening (and we had a 1:30 p.m. ceremony, so she was there at some point in the morning). We took portrait shots, but we didn't pose the other shots, like the toast and the cake cutting. It was a hallmark party! As a matter of fact, we left at some point in the evening and party kept going on without us! Rumor has it that some people were there until the wee hours of the morning. My mom will tell you that the day was shy of perfection because she forgot the crackers for the meat and cheese tray, but we didn't care! It was a great day!

Obviously, this is irrational, but one thing that makes me sad is that our friends whom we met and who have influenced our lives since our wedding date, weren't there. They are so important to who we are today, 8 years later, and it just seems like they should have been there that day! So I'm thinking a huge party is in order on some anniversary date, so they can be there, and we can celebrate them too!

I just read an interesting article lately about how the divorce rate in the United States in shrinking! Yep, that's right! Since 1996, divorce rates in the United States have gone down. However, not for every demographic, divorce rates have stayed the same or even increased for those people who have not continued their education beyond high school. I think that's a blunt statement. For example, I think Richard's Navy experience helped him mature just as much as my college experience helped me. But regardless, I get it. In college, I majored in psychology. I have yet to work in a field that actually requires that particular degree, but I think it has contributed a lot to my understanding of people. Couple my degree with everything my mom taught me in her years and years of fostering, my natural inclination toward analyzing people (I call it perception), and my years of studying relationships so I can teach teenagers about them, you have a person that gets people. I'd be amiss if I concluded that all of that hasn't contributed to my marriage. (There have been times in our marriage where Richard hasn't been too fond of my degree. And let's face it, dudes don't usually over-analyze things. So, I'll want to get to the bottom of an issue in our marriage, and he'll be like, "stop psycho-analyzing me." Haha... that's a total detour from my point).

Back to college, and it's influence on our marriage. My favorite psychology class I ever took was Social Psychology. There was a chapter on marriage, and I remember this diagram, very clearly, (but not whose theory it was)...

It was a triangle. At each point there was a word: commitment, passion, and friendship. The theory was that a healthy marriage was one that sat right in the middle of the triangle, and if the point of balance shifted in a particular direction, that influenced the marriage. Some examples:

-If a marriage or relationship was based solely on passion (and by passion, you know what I mean), the relationship would dissipate when the passion faded, as it always does at some point.
-If the marriage was based solely on commitment, it would be an empty, dissatisfying marriage. I think you see this imbalance result in "older" divorces, when the commitment can't hold on any longer.
-If the marriage was based solely on friendship, it could be rewarding for a time and the couple may be happy, but could be vulnerable to affairs.
-Omit passion, and the relationship can be healthy for a time, but the lack of intimacy can interfere over extended periods of time.
-Omit friendship, (hmmm - I can't remember this one, but I can envision those relationships that break-up and get back together over and over again)!
-Omit commitment, and you'll have a healthy and happy relationship until conflict arises, and eventually divorce will occur once the conflict interferes with the friendship and passion.

So, over our 8 years, we've tried to keep our triangle centered. Richard and I have always quite naturally been friends. We have a lot in common: our love for Jesus, family, friends, music, laughter, and fun! But we do try to conscious about spending time as just the two of us and finding ways to invest in our friendship. I have to give Richard props for recognizing pretty early on that playing video games and watching television were not valuable ways to strengthen our friendship! :)

The passion point, well, we have 3 almost 4 kids, spent almost 3 years living with my parents, and have been living in a two-bedroom house for the last 3 years, so I'm not going to pretend like that's always been perfect! But, we try! Funny side story: one thing we do at camp a lot, is let the kids ask us questions. Well, a few summers ago Kayla and I were answering questions from a group of boys regarding girls. One of the boys asked me, point blank, "You know in the sitcoms, how after you're married for a few years and have a few kids, you don't have sex anymore. Is that true?" Hahaha. Junior high boys. Let's just say part of the reason why Everybody Loves Raymond was so funny, was because it was so true! (By the way, that was a completely valid question, and I tried to answer it the best I could without being inappropriate).

And commitment, I think what's important about that one is not seeing it as a commitment to not get divorced, but seeing it as a commitment to remain in a love-filled marriage. When you take your wedding vows, you make a promise to do certain things - not, not do certain things. I have to say that when we've gone through trying times, it was a our commitment to remaining in love that carried us through, more so, than our commitment to not getting divorced.

Now, mind you, I have probably shared all this with Richard at some point, and he probably doesn't remember! So, while I tend to more consciously think about the triangle, he probably thinks: "Friendship. Yep. That's good. Sex. Yep. That's good. Keeping our marriage happy by keeping Kendra happy. Yep. That's good." ;-)

I love you, Richard! So, so glad we chose each other!