Mediocre Vacation and Review of Great Wolf Lodge

Vacations with kids are never really vacations.

Last week, Richard took vacation. Not just a few days either - he took the whole week off! We were really surprised in September, on Richard's five year anniversary with his employer, to learn he moved up to three weeks of vacation! (We thought he had to put in 8 years). In five years, Richard has only taken one whole week off work and that was to direct a church camp with me several years ago. Because of his commitments to his band, we usually try to plan our vacations over long weekends, so we only use a day or two of vacation, reserving the rest for personal days and weekend trips with the band. I write this nonchalantly, but in reality I get really peeved about it! So, when he moved up to three weeks, I insisted that one WHOLE week would be reserved for our family. He didn't protest; who doesn't want to a whole week off work?

So, in January, we planned for him to take the week of his spring break off - from school, from work, from the band! I was dreaming of FREEDOM! Freedom from doing "it all." Freedom from putting off work around the house that has needed done for months. Freedom from feeling completely overwhelmed. Nine days of glory!
Well, nine days was quickly shortened to five as we realized we had a worship service to work on the weekend before and the band had a gig the weekend after. Sigh. I could deal with this as we would still have two full days to get things done at home before spending the next three at Great Wolf Lodge in Cincinnati with my BFF from college and her family.

Then it happened, on Sunday, the second day of our vacation, Evelyn got sick. Monday, Riley and Gigi got it. And Tuesday, on the fourth day of our glorious break, I took ill. I cried, and got angry, and cried some more, and got angry. THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING! We work so hard and we DESERVE a break! I could break into some lecture about how that is an entitlement attitude and in reality we're entitled to nothing, but instead receive everything we have through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, but ... I'm not. It's truth, and I know it. But I don't think that is the lesson Jesus was trying to teach me. I fully enjoyed my pity party.

I told my friend about our illness and she and her husband agreed to risk it as we were all looking forward to this vacation. So I got up Wednesday morning, feeling sicker than a dog, finished packing our bags, loaded our sick children in the van, and we left. We were about 45 minutes into our trip when Riley puked everywhere. Two hours in our mini-DVD player over-heated and made our whole van smell like burnt semi-breaks. At that point, I was ready to turn around. I really felt the trip wasn't meant to be and was destined to be a disaster. I was venting my frustrations to Richard, when I realized the lesson involved. He shared how much he enjoyed his first two days of vacation. Say what?

He was pretty much my hero, but I never would have guessed he enjoyed it! He did all the laundry. Cleaned up endless rounds of vomit. Bathed Gigi at least 5 times. Washed a good 10 rounds of pukey towels and clothes. Slept with Gigi both nights while she puked on both him and herself. Made several trips to the store. And cleaned a lot of the house. He also watched a lot of kiddy movies with one of the girls curled on his lap. Not anyone's dream vacation by any stretch of the imagination. He said, "It felt good being there when you (collective) needed me. I don't always feel like I'm there for you." Okay, that was not an exact quote because it was five days ago and I was sick, but you get the point. Sigh. And I felt ~LOVED~. Really, really loved.

I wish I could say we all got better and our vacation was perfect, but it wasn't. Riley, Gigi, and I were sick for most of it. There were signs everywhere about how you weren't supposed to go to the water park if you were sick, but we paid good money for this trip, and so we were swimming! I wasn't supposed to do - anything really - according to the signs because I was pregnant. But I did. We also had nine people in our 8 person capacity room. I felt like such a rebel! Mawhaha. I spent a lot of time sleeping and in the bathroom when I would have rather have been visiting and hanging with girls in the pools.

I could write more - like about how cute Riley and Gigi were going on the slides, or how much Evelyn loved playing with my friend's little boy and is going to be such an amazing big sister (again), or about having to use Lamaze techniques to keep from going diarrhea in my pants while sitting in Columbus traffic on the way home - but I'll end it with a review of Great Wolf Lodge.

Top Five's:

1. Ease. Everything was right there. We could go back to our rooms for naps and breaks. So nice to not have to load the kids up in the car to go somewhere.
2. Kid friendliness. Perfect for kids as soon as they're walking! Had tons of options for all height levels.
3. Friendliness of staff. I did not run into a single staff person was not pleasant.
4. The room. Great size. Comfortable beds. Non-stuffy air. Fridge and microwave. Every room had a patio or balcony.
5. Extras. If you wanted to spend the money, there was a lot more to do than just the water park. Arcade. Spa. Story time. And more!

Tips:

1. Plan your meals! The food there was VERY expensive. I saw a lady carrying in a crock-pot with food. :)
2. If your kids are still nappers, the "free" day after check-out isn't really usable. Plan on an hour or two that last day.
3. Two nights was enough, but three would have probably been ideal.
4. This didn't work since I was sick, but the water park is open until 10. So half of the adults can sneak out in the evening!
5. Go during the week during the school year! It wasn't busy at all except for Friday!

Small, Meet Tall, Part III

10 Reasons I like Living in a Small House (in no particular order):

1. Less rooms to clean.
2. Forced organizational skills.
3. Lots of family togethernerss.
4. Lessens the temptation to buy junk.
5. Costs less to heat and cool.
6. Cheaper rent or mortgage payments.
7. Faster to clean.
8. Lower property taxes.
9. Forced creativity.
10. Ability to hear your children getting in trouble. :)

Mediocre Marriage

One of the things that makes me a mediocre mom is my mediocre spouse skills. A lot of people envy Richard's and my marriage. I know they do because they tell me. So I thought I'd clarify a few things:

1. Richard and I do have a good marriage, but it's not an easy marriage. We work hard and yet still fight about the same things we did before we were even engaged 10 years ago!

2. Our marriage may seem ideal to some because we try to not publicly humilate each other. (i.e. Air our dirty laundry in public). This isn't because we want to be fake, but because we want to respect each other. Our closest friends will tell you we're pretty authentic people and that our marriage is far from perfect!

So while Richard does a lot to contribute to our mediocre marriage, I'll stick with mostly my own faults in this post. Last night Richard and I had it out - again. After I got settled down and was thinking and talking more clearly, I pointed out to him that our marriage tends to run in a cycle.

A cycle that usually starts with me going psycho. Something happens and I finally lose it. I'm not going to say I don't have justifiable reasons for feeling stressed, overwhelmed, neglected, shut-out, alone, etc. I think most moms, and in particular stay-at-homes, will attest to these feelings. I adore my children, but I'm an educated, intelligent, attractive, and interesting person and that part of me longs for an outlet beyond negotiating bargaining agreements over the current object of debate. This morning it was a Dr. Seuss book. Eventually, all those feelings boil over.

And, I lose it. I don't just a little bit lose it either. I a lot lose it. Somehow, in my years of studying psychology and working with people, I managed to never learn how to give myself a time-out to collect my thoughts and present them in a reasonable manner. I drop words a sailor would be proud of and in general make an idiot out of myself.

I'll also say in almost 8 years of marriage Richard has yet to figure out how to say, "Kendra, go calm down and then we'll sort this out." Instead, he chalks my actions up to pregnancy or post-pregnancy or PMS hormones and psychotic tendencies, and usually turns the heat up instead of down by making me feel dismissed. The expression "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is probably the of the most accurate cliche expressions we have. On our good fight days, I'm able to bring it down and express why I'm not just crazy, but on our worst, one of us usually leaves that house in fit of rage.

Usually, we eventually talk things out, work through our frustrations and come up with a reasonable plan. If you've been keeping track, that's phase three of the cycle. Phase 4 is a couple of really great days, maybe even weeks! Phase 5 is the plan falling by the wayside and my feelings of bitterness, resentment, jealousy, anger, and so on turn the heat back up.

Sigh. I guess if I wasn't so mediocre we could land on phase 4 a lot longer and skip parts of phase 1 and phase 2 altogether. I also wish I could say my mediocre marriage skills didn't attribute to my mediocre motherhood skills, but they do. I don't line up a babysitter when I feel phase 5 coming to an abrupt meeting with phase 1. I don't calmy suggest to Richard that he should join me in our bedroom with the "talking stick" suggested in our pre-marriage counseling. Nope, instead we duke it out the old-fashioned way, and on good fight days, the kids don't end up crying too.

[I just proofread this and it made me sad. I thought about adding an ending that would make it more cheery, but it's an ugly truth and there's no point in putting frosting on it. Maybe I'll focus on working on solution for this, and in a few months do a Grit_Spit_DuctTape post].